baby's first christmas

My surgery went well last Wednesday. It took me a while to wake up and I heard the recovery team joke that I was a new mom and must be catching up on sleep. (I also woke up briefly in the OR to hear them say 'she's 33? she doesn't look 33.') Once I really woke up I puked a lot, and steadily felt better from then on. By the next day I felt pretty alright, just sore. So we went on an 8-hour road trip to New Jersey. I really wanted Annabel to meet her family while she was little and new.

We were there for a few days (an extra day due to snowstorm) and in that brief time she changed so much! She really started smiling and even laughing. When Gabe came home last night she looked at him, brightened up and gave him a bunch of grins. I'm pretty sure that made his day. It's hard to catch on camera, but here's a snapshot of a laugh:

She also is holding her head up like a champ, and now turning her head while holding it up. We found she really enjoys being around people - she didn't seem to get too overwhelmed. The pictures we took are here, and looking back I'm sad I didn't get more pictures of her with different family members. I'm going to blame this laziness on the pain meds.

We came back home to find 3-4" of snow on the ground - NC had a surprise white Christmas. Now it's getting up into the 60's this weekend. That is much nicer weather for a stroller walk.

I had another gall bladder attack two days ago, which is quite surprising seeing as how I no longer have a gall bladder. Hopefully it's just some post-surgery pain that does not recur. I'm trying to rest again and not try to do so much, which is hard. Today Annabel was Miss Fussypants all day long so rest was not had. Perhaps it was her unique way of celebrating being 5 weeks old. 5 weeks old! I really need to take more pictures before she grows up!

What gall I have!

Or don't have, after tomorrow. I had another bout of gallstone attack last night, with a grand total of 4 attacks in December. That means in the last month I had 46 hours of labor along with 28 hours of the most excrutiating pain I can possibly imagine. NO FUN. Thankfully I have surgery tomorrow and I can't wait to get this gall bladder out of me. I had been researching options, and worried about side effects but now I don't care - just get.this.out.now!

Last night I felt the stab under the ribcage at 8 p.m. and decided on a different strategy, now that I finally know what these pains are. I immediately got Annabel situated with Gabe, and had a bubble bath with candles. I visualized my gall bladder relaxed and my back relaxed and focused on a peaceful image. I also noticed this time that I could see and feel the spasms in my abdomen - weird. I managed better than before, but by midnight it was unbearable again. I gave in and took an oxycodone pill that I was prescribed at the ER after my last attack. I took it, settled back into bed and waited for some woozy, pain-free state to envelop me. But no, it didn't help one bit!!  Isn't that the drug bad teenagers covet? It can't be that good! I think I should have taken nyquil instead because that puts me into a near coma usually. 

I counted minutes until 3 a.m. amidst an inconsolable baby girl and racking pain in my body. Because 3 a.m. meant it would be 7 hours and that is how long it always lasted. I held back tears at 3:15, utterly convinced this time it would just never ever end. But it did, at 3:30 a.m.

Anyway, sorry to post about pain. Hopefully this mess will be over with soon. Surgery is tomorrow at 2:15 - think good thoughts!  I'm being really optimistic about a speedy recover and hoping to head to NJ for the holidays. 

looking back

It's Saturday night and I am showered and pajamaed and cozy under a warm quilt that was handmade for us as an engagement present (thanks Nina!). My husband is dozing on the couch with our little girl sleeping on his chest. We have a Christmas tree casting soft light, and a new t.v. which both make the living room cozier, for better and worse, respectively.

She is not even a month old and it's hard to remember the rhythm of my days before her. Now it's defined by feedings every couple hours, the regular diaper changes, the bounces and sways of soothing her. I realized sitting here that I find it really difficult to imagine being pregnant. It wasn't that long ago. And when pregnant I remember it was so hard to imagine being anything but pregnant. I thought I'd feel those kicks forever. I thought it would always be hard to get out of bed, that I would always pee myself when I coughed too much, that I would always wear my husband's shirts.

It is sad to have that memory fade, and I am glad I wrote here all the details. And of course a bigger gift is in its place. She is just the sweetest little creature I could have ever imagined.

And I could adopt Gabe's outlook when I told him I couldn't remember what having that big belly felt like: he shrugged his shoulders and said 'I guess we'll just have to do it again'.

p.s. No, there will be no Irish twins.

p.p.s. Below is the last picture of me pregnant. It was taken about 8 hours into labor on November 22nd.

one day this onesie will be tiny..

Annabel is now trailblazing through 7 pound territory! She still is tiny, though, and her clothes are still pretty big as you can see. She has been a bit fussy the past couple days and very hungry so I think she's going through a growth spurt. But I don't really know these things.

Other things I don't know:

How often do you bathe a baby?

Is it ok if spit up comes out of their nose?

In general I feel a lot less anxious about taking care of her than I expected. I suppose it's because she's a pretty simple creature - if she cries she either needs cuddles, burps, warmth, a diaper change or food. Usually it's food. I do want Gabe & I to take an infant cpr/first aid class so that we would feel more prepared in an emergency.

Annabel cooperated with a mini photo shoot yesterday- you can check out the pictures here. Today I'm going to see if I can stuff her in a Christmas stocking and get her to smile :)

checking in with our bananabell

Our little lady is a superstar weight gainer!  Last Monday she was 6 pounds even, and as of this morning (Wednesday) she was 6 pounds, 12.4 ounces. 

She is getting exponentially cuter each day. Here is proof:

And she is turning into an awesome sleeper. She knows when nighttime is, and for the past several nights she has slept 5-6 hours! That also means she misses a feeding, but the lactation consultant assured me with her weight gain that it's ok to let her go that long. No complaints from her sleepy mama!  

Her head control is getting much better - she's so strong.  She likes to practice holding her head up when we burp her. She is smiling and grinning now, but I think at this point it's still random or just from gas. Every time it happens I inspect her for dimples - still not sure. 

I'm working on a little video of her early weeks. Things are taking much longer to accomplish nowadays though :) 

Happy 3 week birthday to our beautiful baby girl! We love you so much!

fatty things are yummy

Since last post I had another back/stomachache which lasted seven hours again and sent me to the ER. They did labs and today I got an ultrasound and it's official: I have many a gallstone in my gall bladder. At least enough to cause the ultrasound tech to immediately say 'oh my god' when the screen popped up.  So it wasn't the backache from hell after all.  Just a belated gift of pregnancy :)  I'm actually very relieved to know there's a solution now, though unfortunately the solution is surgery within the next couple weeks.  I go to the surgeon on Monday to set a date. It's bad timing with the holidays, but both doctors and myself say this needs to be done asap. 

In the meantime I need to eat a very low-fat, bland diet. In the 24 hours since I've been told this I've had a revelation about how many spicy, fatty things I love to eat.  Cut out cheese, nuts, milk, coconut, apples, red meat? And if I want to be extra cautious cut out sugar, white flour, etc.? It's an obvious ideal but it's another story when I know these things can cause massive pain. But still, I'm grieving my lack of baking in the near future, and chilis and curries, and nachos and lattes. 

Send good thoughts that I can make it to the surgery without another gall bladder attack!  Also good thoughts that Annabel didn't catch any nasty germs while hanging out with me at the hospital. 

a hurtin' mama and her growing girl

Annabel is a champion weight gainer this week - I think we're even starting to see signs of chubby cheeks. Hooray! I need to take lots of pictures today since she is changing so much day to day, I can't even believe it. 

I don't think I mentioned on here but last week I had the most awful back spasms. Could not get my body comfortable sitting, standing or lying down and had to take several steaming hot baths, massage from husband, icy hot cream and heating pad before it was remotely bearable. It also made my stomach contract and I couldn't breathe well, which was scary. I am not a wimp with pain, but I was in tears whimpering that I just wanted to die. It was so bad I was about to go to the ER for them to put me on IV sedation - except that I have a little one who needs to be nursed (and incidentally, was screaming throughout the whole ordeal, while Gabe tried to meet both our needs). Ugh, anyway - it was pure awful.  So imagine my disdain when it happens again last night :(  From 7 p.m. to 2 a.m. I was writhing on the floor again, taking multiple steaming baths - which was gross, because our town's water was shut off a couple days ago and it's come back on but it's brown. Tried icy hot again, heating pad and no relief. At least this time I had pumped milk for Annabel because there was no way I could hold her and nurse her. The stomach pain was worse this time and I spent a lot of the night puking, which was a horrible feeling that I welcomed because it took away the other pain briefly.

Anyway, all this is to say (1) wtf is wrong with me? I had assumed it's from nursing and holding her and having weak ab muscles, but I don't see how the stomach contractions fit in. And (2) just to have a momentary pity party...seriously?? I have issues all pregnancy, a painful 46 hour labor, and I still can't catch a break after? Sheesh. 

So I am going to the chiropractor/massage place on Monday and hopefully get back on track.  There is no way I can go through that again. If anyone has any insight on my broken body please let me know!

p.s. Pity party is over. Following posts will consist of cute photos of Annabel only :) 

newborn pictures

Miss Annabel got her pictures taken by LunahZon yesterday. She was an absolute angel all day before and after the photo session :) During the shoot she was mostly fussy, but I hope they got some good shots anyway.

This photo was taken (by me) at the end of the shoot when she was pooped out from crying. Isn't she so beautiful? I love her rosy cheeks.

Operation Chubby Legs

As you can see from the picture Annabel is tiny and precious. The only problem is she is a bit too tiny. We had another weight check and little miss has lost weight - she is about 6 pounds. Not good! I've met with the midwife and lactation consultant to try to figure out why she isn't eating enough, since my supply seems okay. Today I've started pumping as well as nursing so that I can build up a milk stash (ha, it sounds like moustache..anyway) and also monitor exactly how much she is eating.

Think good thoughts... I can't wait to see some chubby knees and cheeks on her!