37 weeks!

Today I am breathing a sigh of relief. No preemie for me, and the window to have the baby at the birth center vs. the hospital has opened up. Yay for baking well, little girl!

The average baby is about 6 1/3 pounds right now and 19-20 inches long. At my last appointment they said she is on the small side, and they expect I should have an average sized baby (7.5 pounds) or a bit smaller. This past week my largeness has gone up another level. Or perhaps it's the loosening pelvis, I don't know, but I understand the beached whale comparisons ladies in late pregnancy make. Before it was uncomfortable to switch sides in bed, or get out of one. Now it's a project involving grunts and ouches and rests in between efforts. Three nights ago I was so uncomfortable at night. Couldn't sleep at all. Sounds and smells bothered me, my body felt off, and I had really bad cramps that wouldn't go away. So I gave up trying to sleep and took an hour long bubble bath at 3:45 a.m. The next night leg cramps kept waking me up, and when I woke up in the morning I heard myself screaming. Holy hell, my leg muscles still haven't recovered from how tightened they were...so now I have an attractive limp to go along with my waddle.

Despite all this we had a very busy weekend. It was our first year anniversary Friday (!!!!) and I had a meltdown about potentially leaving for a little vacation - the house isn't ready, I'm uncomfortable, we didn't plan ahead, there are so many projects, we can't board our puppy, etc. So we decided to go out around here and went for a nice dinner and a comedy show. We saw the Last Comic Standing tour, and they were much funnier when not on network television. I had to get up four times during the show to pee.

Yesterday and today we went to yard sales, flea markets, estate sales and regular stores in an attempt to get everything we need for house projects and the baby. I walked around A LOT. It was hard, and frequent contractions now don't make it any easier, but I keep telling myself that this preparation will make it that much easier during labor :) I've been listening to my Hypnobabies tracks each night and inevitably fall asleep. But every day I feel more excited and more calm about birthing so I think it's still working. After today I feel a bit more ready with the house, so that is good.

We got an awesome deal at the estate sale today. A wide dresser with mirror, chest of drawers and night table for $125! It's solid wood and dovetailed and in really good shape. Now that we have this, it opens up a big set of shelves for the rest of the baby's things. This weekend I got two baby monitors for free, a new Bumbo seat for $3, a playpen thing for $3, nursery lamp for $5, and a pretty white wicker piece with two shelves and a cabinet to organize diaper stuff. We also got a styrofoam head (like the ones you put wigs on) - I don't know what we're doing with it yet but it seemed like it will make a fun/creepy art project.

The main thing we're still missing is a co-sleeper or bassinet. We waited too long and now there are too many options and we're overthinking it. Then we watched 'Babies' (beautiful movie) last night and Gabe is convinced all we need to raise a baby is a bed, rug and leash. I countered with co-sleeper and he is trying to compromise with dresser drawer.

In this week's belly picture you probably can't tell, but I'm wearing my husband's sweatpants that are too small around the waist. I've gained 30 lbs. so far and the midwives say my weight gain is good and I should just eat whatever I want and it's fine if I get up to 140 lbs. Holy moly. I can't imagine carrying around another 10 lbs.

I'm no good at telling these things but I woke up this morning with a very weird pelvic pressure thing going on, and I think I may see some belly droppage happening. But I thought she did that before and turned out she was just shifting around.

Bake just as long as you need to, little one, but we can't wait to meet you someday pretty soon!

the view from below...

I can't tell if this picture is funny or terrifying.

undulating belly

Often when I look down this is what I see. I couldn't get my whole belly in the shot, so what you're missing is her feet pressing out of the left side of my belly. What you're seeing is her tushie/back pressing out of the right side.

36 weeks, 1 day

Check out what a difference one week makes:

The average baby right now is about 6 pounds. She's gotten so big that I see her body parts sticking out of my tummy. I spend a lot of time navel gazing and screaming. It's very freaky. But at the same time totally amazing. I can't imagine not being pregnant right now, but that day is going to come soon enough!

She needs to bake one more week at the very least to be considered at term, and then I can deliver at the birth center. I don't think she's going anywhere before then, though my body is definitely practicing. Lots of Braxton Hicks (or round ligament pain? dunno) and my pelvis has loosened enough that I've got the full on pregnancy waddle.

The chiropractor is definitely helping, though I can only do so much before I need to rest. The massage was really good too, up until I got really dizzy and nauseous part way through. I think I was 5 seconds from puking and passing out before I leaped up (ok, I can't leap up) and said I needed water and needed to cool off.

I'm still in mega-nesting mode. Lots of cooking and cleaning and giving my husband ultimatums about finishing projects soon. I try to be respectful and give him hours-long warning before my emotional breakdowns about us not having a homey enough home for our daughter. But we're slowly getting there - curtains are mostly up, picture frames are on the wall (pictureless), little girl's clothes and blankets are washed and summer sundresses are packed away.

We are so excited to meet our baby girl. I've been wondering for so long what she'll look like and how she'll be - it's going to be so surreal when there's an actual person in our lives instead of squirmy wiggles and hiccups in my tummy.

Casserole

That word makes me gloomy. Who ever gets excited by a casserole? I don't even much like the word, much less the reheated leftovers of rectangular mush.

But today I find myself with 10 lbs of potatoes. I also find myself with one month(!) left til my due date, and some frozen meals tucked away in the freezer will probably be appreciated later. But I need your help. I refuse to make any casserole with cream of anything canned soup, a prepackaged mix of any sort, or Velveeta (I'm not sure exactly what Velveeta even is, but a quick google search reveals it is in many a casserole.) I don't like 'baked' pasta, unless someone has done it without goopy noodles and bland cheese on top. (Ok, mac and cheese may be an exception in this category.) I'm not sure how rice freezes, or how reheated meat will still be good.

So something healthy, and when reheated will seem somewhat fresh and not mush. Any ideas for someone who is inherently biased against leftovers? I did think of shepherd's pie, but not sure how well that freezes.

Thanks!

35 weeks, 2 days

Baby is about 5 1/4 pounds and over 18 inches long. The biggest change this week is the amount of contractions. I went from occasionally wondering 'are these Braxton Hicks?' to them being a near-constant presence through the weekend. They were definitely not pleasant, either. I think the hardest part for me is knowing they will stop if I just sit and rest, but there's just so much to do. It's incompatible with nesting :)

The good thing is my back has hit that higher level of sub-standard that allows me to do a little bit more. Yesterday I went to the state fair and walked around a few hours. I crashed at the end, but I definitely would not have been able to do that just a week ago. Tomorrow I get both a massage and an adjustment - woo hoo!

Gabe & I got our maternity photos done on Sunday from the great folks at LunahZon Photography. Can't wait to see how they turned out! They will also be taking newborn photos within the first couple weeks of the baby's arrival.

Here's this week's decapitated belly pic, because I was blurry from a nap, allergies and poor focus on the camera.

Prenatal check-up

I am 127 lbs! My belly has a 40 inch circumference!

Everything looks good. There is a small question of whether that I'm-dying pain has been gallstones. And I described this other pain I've been having more and more frequently and those have been identified as Braxton-Hicks contractions. Aha! I seem to have them a lot lately so I'm going to be mindful of staying hydrated and timing them once in a while.

Speaking of hydration this peeing at night thing is out of control. I've always had a small bladder it seemed, so I didn't think much of getting up a couple times a night to pee. But last night I counted, and it was six times! That's an average night. But I assume in a couple months I would feel really lucky to get up at 3 a.m. just to pee, so I'll try to be grateful.

I asked about traveling around the holidays, since we're hoping to have the little lady meet some family in NJ. They strongly advised against air travel, because her immune system will not be fully developed and it's flu & RSV season. Airports and planes are a breeding ground for the germs, and that could make her very very sick. We may go up by car but it's hard to plan - we'll just have to see. It will make a big difference if she's born November 10th vs. December 5th, for instance. If she's a relatively calm baby or a fussy one. If she wails in the car or falls asleep. If she's in somewhat of a routine, and feeds well. If her mama is up for the long trip. It's about an 8 hours drive usually, plus there will be holiday traffic and frequent feedings and diaper changes. Times two. So no promises, but we'd love to plop her under a NJ Christmas tree for a meet and greet and photo ops :)

p.s. I have my first appointment with the chiropractor tomorrow morning. I'm already in love with her!

Holy hormones, batman - example 1 of ??

So far I've survived this pregnancy with little of the mood swings, random crying and horrible feelings of victimization that I've heard others have. (Gabriel, you are not allowed to think or comment, otherwise ;-)

But lately I've felt twinges of irrationality. I can totally identify it as loony, but it still feels real. It's like when I had a dream that Gabe did something really devastating and I woke up with a grudge.

Yesterday we went back and forth about buying an iPod Touch. We want something to record video of our little one and after researching it he thought this was the best option. I asked a few questions to know the cost, make sure he's comparison shopped, to know what it's capable of, etc. and gave the all clear for the late-night online purchase.

So today I am nearby while he watches a review of the iThingy. It mentions there is no auto-focus. Alarmed, I ask what are the implications of that. He says it's fine, it's just not so clear up close, like 3 feet or less. He says this nonchalantly, as I almost burst into tears. Distraught, I thought and said, I think in this order:

- What?? How could you buy something without auto-focus?

- You don't even want to take close-up pictures of our baby?!!!

- You don't even care about taking video of our baby.

- You don't even want to see our baby close up, what's wrong with you?

- You're probably just selfish and bought the thing for the stupid apps, I knew it.

Then I laughed, because I KNOW all that is ridiculous. I KNOW that but I also equally knew that our baby was slighted because of lack of autofocus. As a weird steam-coming-out-of-ears compromise between irrationality and logic, I carefully tried to explain that the baby can't sit up on her own right away so we'd have to be close to her to hold her up and film her, thus rendering autofocus essential.

Then I laughed again, because my brain is obviously broken. (And I'm sure the iPod Touch will suit our needs just fine.)

In other news of brain dysfunction, I went to client's home for probably the 35th time today. I could drive there in my sleep. But not awake and pregnant, apparently. I went miles past my turn before I realized things were unfamiliar. I finally got myself turned around and then drove right past their house. I was 20 minutes late, and they were a 20 minute drive away. When leaving I also turned the wrong way twice. Perhaps I need more sleep.

34 weeks

Baby girl is 4 3/4 lbs. now and just about 18 inches long. I thought you don't feel babies move quite as much by this point, but she's still a kicker. I'm pretty sure I saw an actual foot today. Gabe feels her kick sometimes just being near me. She also really likes to stick her tush out of my belly as she stretches her legs.

My cold is getting better today and I'm not a zombie like yesterday. (I took Benadryl, and then a 6 hour nap.) My puppy is also behaving now, though we're still going to get a dog trainer. He is snoring on the futon as I write. (The puppy, not the trainer.)

34 weeks is feeling like the beginning of the home stretch. When getting things ready is not totally premature. The idea of putting the carseats in the cars is no longer ridiculous. We should order all the essentials we don't yet have. It's such a welcome change to plan for her homecoming rather than dwell on pregnancy symptoms. It's also overwhelming because I'm not feeling very easygoing about preparing. I want everything CLEAN, and everything fixed that needs fixing, and meals frozen in the fridge, and all the laundry washed and sorted, and her name strung up above her crib, and all my birth planning stuff filed in order, and bags packed and everything bought, a budget done, work plans sorted, etc. But I'm like a type A personality stuck in a body that procrastinates and is tired halfway through the day and hates cleaning and planning. One day I'll learn not to set myself up for failure :)

These belly pictures are the worst. I left my camera in NJ so these are care of my phone. They're blurry and we have no full length mirror in the house. At first I stood on the edge of the tub and took a pic in the bathroom mirror. After realizing how utterly stupid and dangerous that looked with me hanging on to the shower curtain bar, I took a mirror and just propped it on the couch. I included the second pic because my puppy wandered over and tried to figure out who that other dog was in the mirror. So cute.

a ranty rant

Caution: This is really complainy. If you, like most people, do not enjoy people complaining just skip this post. It's ok, I'm not offended.

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So far I've really appreciated being pregnant. Even though I have had a long list of 'side effects' it's all overshadowed by the completely amazing thing my body is doing.

But a couple days ago I hit a wall and have become a broken, whining mess. My belly popped, which you'll see in tomorrow's picture. For the first time I feel like my belly is an 'other' - it's a squirming belly inhabited by a real person. It's hers, not mine. It's big and heavy with stretched skin. It's itchy and I'm at the point when I roll over at night I feel like I squish her, and the amount of effort it takes wakes up my husband. I wouldn't hesitate to use the word heave to describe what I need to do to get up the four or so times a night I have to pee.

This has also affected my back, which decided to totally crap out on me Wednesday as I left NJ. As soon as I started pulling my suitcase through the airport I knew I was in trouble. My left lower back was pure raw nerve. I made my way to the security line with tears in my eyes. The lady took pity on me and let me totally cut in line. I would normally object to the preferential treatment but not then. By the time I made it to the gate (which was the furthest away in the terminal) there were tears. I have a chiropractor appt. next Friday which can't come soon enough.

I was so happy to see my puppy when I got home - it had been just about a week. I took him outside to play on Thursday and he got too overexcited and basically kept jumping up and biting without stopping. He ripped a hole in my shirt and got my elbow repeatedly - which I couldn't use for a day. It's still bruised. He did it Friday too, and I got really scared. Shaking and crying scared. It wasn't aggressive but it still is really unacceptable. So I called a couple dog trainers to visit the house. It also has me nervous about the baby. On Thursday Conan also nearly broke my nose. That was definitely not his fault, though - I said release when I was bent over him taking off his leash and he hopped up over a step to leave. He is a dense doggie and his back bashed the bridge of my nose. I really thought it was broken and I had visions of being in labor while also recovering from nose surgery.

So what happens after a really bruised nose? I get a bad cold yesterday. The kind of cold that had me up til 7 a.m. I only had Nyquil, and I was desperately googling for anything that wouldn't tell me that's an awful thing to take during pregnancy. No luck. So I took two steamy showers throughout the night and also tried a neti pot. At one point both nostrils were so blocked I couldn't get in any air at all and I had a mini panic attack, who knows why.

The night before that, before the cold set in I laid down to bed and got this horrible uncomfortable feeling. Like someone punched me where my belly meets my ribcage. It got worse and worse and I couldn't do anything to make it better. I felt like I was dying. So I start rocking back and forth and bawling to my husband about how it hurts.

You'll notice a pattern of crying above, which is very strange for me. Not a big crier. But I feel like my body got run over by a truck. Pregnancy discomfort, severe back pain, dog bites, bruises, debilitating pain of unknown origin, and a bad cold with a growing fever, all in two or three days.

I want to just curl up with tea but the house is so messy and cluttered I can't relax in it. And there is a gnawing sense of needing to nest that I'm trying hard to ignore so I can get some rest. I don't need to add mental distress on top of all the physical. But there may be a freak-out on the horizon, we'll see.

Ok, that's my pity party. I'm sure this will all become a blur later on, much like the first trimester. I've heard that seeing your baby's face for the first time can bring on a lovely pregnancy and labor amnesia.

33 weeks!

Baby girl is somewhere over 4 pounds and probably a bit over 17 inches long. I googled it and this is what one site said:

Your baby weighs about 4½ pounds, as much as a grownup duck.

So if you are bad at guesstimating weight, but know a lot about ducks, there you have it. She is strong and active and gaining something like half a pound a week from here on out. I had a prenatal appt. on Thursday and everything looks good and I've gained 25 pounds. At the appt. I was a little concerned about lack of belly growth but something happened right after that (see blog pic below taken 3 days later).

On Friday we drove up to NJ and Saturday had a lovely shower on a lovely sunny fall day (hard to believe now, as it's 54 and rainy). Thank you to everyone who came & shared in loving our little girl :) She is going to be the best dressed baby ever. I think I may need a new wardrobe just so I can be seen with such a fashionista. Gabe is back at home now and I'll be back on Wednesday. Then we have a month or two to put the final touches in place and get ready for her arrival. (Who am I kidding, final touches?)

My sister is visiting from CA with her son Niko who is 17 months old and freaking adorable. I've been spending most of my time with a camera in his face. I'm sure some of those pictures will make their way onto the blog soon. For now, here is my 33-week big belly: