Saturday, October 9, 2010

a ranty rant

Caution: This is really complainy. If you, like most people, do not enjoy people complaining just skip this post. It's ok, I'm not offended.

So far I've really appreciated being pregnant. Even though I have had a long list of 'side effects' it's all overshadowed by the completely amazing thing my body is doing.

But a couple days ago I hit a wall and have become a broken, whining mess. My belly popped, which you'll see in tomorrow's picture. For the first time I feel like my belly is an 'other' - it's a squirming belly inhabited by a real person. It's hers, not mine. It's big and heavy with stretched skin. It's itchy and I'm at the point when I roll over at night I feel like I squish her, and the amount of effort it takes wakes up my husband. I wouldn't hesitate to use the word heave to describe what I need to do to get up the four or so times a night I have to pee.

This has also affected my back, which decided to totally crap out on me Wednesday as I left NJ. As soon as I started pulling my suitcase through the airport I knew I was in trouble. My left lower back was pure raw nerve. I made my way to the security line with tears in my eyes. The lady took pity on me and let me totally cut in line. I would normally object to the preferential treatment but not then. By the time I made it to the gate (which was the furthest away in the terminal) there were tears. I have a chiropractor appt. next Friday which can't come soon enough.

I was so happy to see my puppy when I got home - it had been just about a week. I took him outside to play on Thursday and he got too overexcited and basically kept jumping up and biting without stopping. He ripped a hole in my shirt and got my elbow repeatedly - which I couldn't use for a day. It's still bruised. He did it Friday too, and I got really scared. Shaking and crying scared. It wasn't aggressive but it still is really unacceptable. So I called a couple dog trainers to visit the house. It also has me nervous about the baby. On Thursday Conan also nearly broke my nose. That was definitely not his fault, though - I said release when I was bent over him taking off his leash and he hopped up over a step to leave. He is a dense doggie and his back bashed the bridge of my nose. I really thought it was broken and I had visions of being in labor while also recovering from nose surgery.

So what happens after a really bruised nose? I get a bad cold yesterday. The kind of cold that had me up til 7 a.m. I only had Nyquil, and I was desperately googling for anything that wouldn't tell me that's an awful thing to take during pregnancy. No luck. So I took two steamy showers throughout the night and also tried a neti pot. At one point both nostrils were so blocked I couldn't get in any air at all and I had a mini panic attack, who knows why.

The night before that, before the cold set in I laid down to bed and got this horrible uncomfortable feeling. Like someone punched me where my belly meets my ribcage. It got worse and worse and I couldn't do anything to make it better. I felt like I was dying. So I start rocking back and forth and bawling to my husband about how it hurts.

You'll notice a pattern of crying above, which is very strange for me. Not a big crier. But I feel like my body got run over by a truck. Pregnancy discomfort, severe back pain, dog bites, bruises, debilitating pain of unknown origin, and a bad cold with a growing fever, all in two or three days.

I want to just curl up with tea but the house is so messy and cluttered I can't relax in it. And there is a gnawing sense of needing to nest that I'm trying hard to ignore so I can get some rest. I don't need to add mental distress on top of all the physical. But there may be a freak-out on the horizon, we'll see.

Ok, that's my pity party. I'm sure this will all become a blur later on, much like the first trimester. I've heard that seeing your baby's face for the first time can bring on a lovely pregnancy and labor amnesia.

1 comment:

  1. oh man, you are so ready to have this baby. be comforted in the knowledge that ever mother out there knows exactly at what point in your pregnancy you are in, and you'll get to bond over it soon!



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