a year ago...

I have been thinking about a year ago. I was lying in a dark room with a picture of our unborn baby projected on the wall. Since my sister had a boy already, there was a definite hope for a girl from my family. Gabe only has nephews so his family was probably on Team Pink as well. And though I was obviously wanting a healthy baby of either sex, part of me had visions of raising a strong daughter, fastening pigtails, and buying the ridiculously cute dresses I had seen in stores.

The tech told us undoubtedly GIRL and the crowd went wild :)  Gabe said 'We just gotta keep her off the pole.' I went home and was totally exhausted. I felt like I had run a marathon. So much wondering and dreaming, and now we knew. 

Looking back, it makes me smile at how we had no idea what was in store. People tell you that your life will change. And I always thought 'well, obviously'. But I couldn't have imagined her, for all that time I spent imagining. She is such a little person, so separate from anyone else's ideas of who she would be. I also couldn't have known how I would change as a mother. I didn't know about all the anxiety, joy, the challenges, the love and sleeplessness. Just no idea. And if I could go back and tell myself something, I wouldn't say a word. It was all the most wonderful surprise.