Monday, February 16, 2009

Return of the the Twins

I have a pretty close relationship with my dreams. It's rare to not remember at least one dream a night, and usually I can see how I'm processing something through them or it's something from my recent past being subconsciously regurgitated. But there are some dreams that just arrive and make me pay attention, because on some level they feel separate from me.

For the past while I've been dreaming of twins. For a few months they were very frequent, but more vague. Now they are a bit more far apart (about once a month) but clearer. It started out as a vague series of dreams that I was pregnant and just knew they were twins somehow. And then I was getting ultrasounds and saw the woman's surprise at the two. Two times ago I dreamed I already had two twin boys, and they were in those twin stroller things in the kitchen and Gabe was there with them. And then last night, dreaming, I was in labor. I was in the hospital and we had a baby boy. They told me the next one was a girl but she'd be arriving the next day (ummm...I told you this was a dream). The feeling of this dream was mostly anxiety because we didn't have a name picked out for a boy. (In real life Gabe and I can think of lots of girl names but have no boy names at all.) So I told him we only have a day to pick this out. So this morning I woke up and told Gabe the dream, and said the name we chose was Caleb. He said hmm.. that's a nice name. I like it too. And it's weird because I don't know any Calebs...haven't seen any in the news that I'm aware...I know the name so must have heard it somewhere, but I can't tell you the last time. I thought perhaps it was symbolic so looked up the meaning (bold, faithful, with heart, dog). I thought the whole twin thing might be symbolic but try as I might I'm just not getting the message if there is one. Perhaps it's due (ha!) to my sister's pregnancy, or an impending marriage (twinship?), or a premonition... if anyone has insight let me know. Is there a Caleb in my family I'm not fully aware of?

Anyway. I had a very restorative half hour or so yesterday. The day before I cleaned the kitchen and it was REALLY clean - love that. Gabe had taken out the trash and left the side door open (so the heavy door was open, and a thinner glass/metal door was closed). He had also wonderfully gone food shopping before I woke up that day. I took out the fresh, perfect strawberries and blueberries he had gotten and made awesome muffins. These berries, in combination with the sunlight, gave a perfect illusion of early summer. It just made everything slow down and I felt so happy for no reason. (This is not usually my normal february-boston self.)

Today I am feeling really disappointed, surprisingly. We are having layoffs at work on Friday and I got a strong hint that I'll be staying. I know I should be thankful for this. But part of me was craving the sudden liberation of the ending of endless projects, and the impetus for a new, unknown life. Gabe also mentioned that he'd probably have to get a job-job if i got laid off, and that it may as well be in California, so I feel once again that the 'go west' door has been shut. Again. GRRR....


  1. Just some food for thought...... Grandmoms father was a twin and her brother had twin boys. Maybe your genes are speaking to you

  2. oh, i didn't know that! gabe's dad is a twin, too. hmmm...



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