After a week of horrible sleeping, yesterday I fell asleep by 1 a.m. and woke up at 11. ELEVEN! I had a work email waiting that said I had missed a meeting so I spent the next hour feeling totally incompetent. By the time my husband had come home for lunch it had all devolved into me whining that my life was totally unproductive and purposeless. I felt like an uninspired lazy mess. He lovingly suggested I go get a paleta and take a drive into the country. I whined that I'll just stay home and clean so it can get messy by tomorrow.
What I did next surprised me. I went shopping. I am not the type of person that shops for fun. It's not really fun. I don't like traffic, and crowds, the background music, and spending money on things just because they're there in front of me. However, once I set foot in a store I am apt to daydream and wander for an hour, imagining I'm a fashion designer, or imagining my house with certain furniture or getting ideas for art.
The next surprise today was that I cried in every store. In Kohl's because I got my husband a shirt and I thought about how loving he is. In Kohl's again because I saw the tiny newborn clothes. In AC Moore because I thought of art projects I'd like to make with future kids. In Old Navy because I found stretchy skirts that will be awesome for my pregnant belly this summer. In Old Navy again because they had dog toys. In the car multiple times because of random songs. In Buy Buy Baby because I asked a lady questions about car seats. And again because I bought the baby a stuffed animal. And then I truly shed some tears reading a great little children's book, and imagining all the books I'd be reading to the little one (and maybe writing one day?). Walking home I got teary because I saw how quickly the grass grows here, and how green since March..and the red clay, all so different than Boston. At home when I let the puppy out of the crate and he sat on my lap and gave me a big kiss on the face.
I am aware that part of this may be hormones, and part may be the last week full of grey and rain, and part may be the fact that I'm feeling more and more disconnected from things I like to do and things I am good at. I am hoping this is a minor funk that just gets me prepared and energized for something better, something more inspiring to come.
In the meantime I can feel good about this dress I got at Old Navy for $4:
And our baby's first stuffed animal which is super soft and sweet:
The only other thing we have gotten for the baby so far is a pair of cute socks we got when we first found out. They have been up on the mantle, waiting for some cute little toes to curl up inside them.