Today is my grandmom's birthday. It's her first birthday that she's not here. I miss calling her up on the phone and she can't hear me :) I miss a lot more than that.
I wasn't quite telling the truth when I said I threw out all of my old writing when I moved to North Carolina. I kept one page torn out of a journal, because I didn't want to forget it. In honor of my grandmother, here it is without edits:
January 1, 2003:
I've resolved to begin a diary. Memory is unreliable and cannot always be willed, so this is a place to store events, images, thoughts, ideas, which would otherwise dissolve. I think it will also help in mindfulness, paying attention to the days, to my story. It's also amazing how much drama, how many emotions, how much laughter gets distilled into the label 'day', and then in a matter of days even loses that distinction. So this, in essence, is a collection of moments. Here goes:
The year begins with no sun - a charcoal sky, rainy & cold. I got up late, at 1, at Grandmom's house since Katie & I went out yesterday for New Year's. Grandmom rambled on and on to me at the table and I felt such a warmth at her openness to talk. I want her stories, I want to see her experiences. She told me how Pop + her decided when they got married that they would never go to bed angry. And she said it always worked, except there were 3 days when they didn't speak. Neither one remembers what it was about or whose fault it was. She said nothing changed, he came home and she made dinner like always, they just didn't talk. And on the third day there were flowers on the table with a sign that said 'Peace'. Since they were from him she assumes it was his fault.
Wishing you Peace, grandmom, and thank you for all your warmth and stories.
I wasn't quite telling the truth when I said I threw out all of my old writing when I moved to North Carolina. I kept one page torn out of a journal, because I didn't want to forget it. In honor of my grandmother, here it is without edits:
January 1, 2003:
I've resolved to begin a diary. Memory is unreliable and cannot always be willed, so this is a place to store events, images, thoughts, ideas, which would otherwise dissolve. I think it will also help in mindfulness, paying attention to the days, to my story. It's also amazing how much drama, how many emotions, how much laughter gets distilled into the label 'day', and then in a matter of days even loses that distinction. So this, in essence, is a collection of moments. Here goes:
The year begins with no sun - a charcoal sky, rainy & cold. I got up late, at 1, at Grandmom's house since Katie & I went out yesterday for New Year's. Grandmom rambled on and on to me at the table and I felt such a warmth at her openness to talk. I want her stories, I want to see her experiences. She told me how Pop + her decided when they got married that they would never go to bed angry. And she said it always worked, except there were 3 days when they didn't speak. Neither one remembers what it was about or whose fault it was. She said nothing changed, he came home and she made dinner like always, they just didn't talk. And on the third day there were flowers on the table with a sign that said 'Peace'. Since they were from him she assumes it was his fault.
Wishing you Peace, grandmom, and thank you for all your warmth and stories.
Your story reminds me of my granfather, I lost him in January of 2002. He was the only father figure I had in my life, and I still miss him. To paraphrase your clossing.
ReplyDeleteWishing you peace, Grandpa, and thank you for all your warmth and adventures.