salt shaker

I know I said nobody cares how I think my fiance is funny. But did I mention how quickwittedly clever he is? Here's an everyday example:

I tried to do him a favor by organizing all his passport-renewing materials into an envelope. When it didn't jump out from the shelf to bite him when he went looking for it, he complained jokingly that I shouldn't go trying to clean up anything (like he really knew where it was before the envelope, anyway). I was at the stove shaking salt into boiling water for pasta and to show my annoyance at his complaining, I shook some onto his exposed belly.

Gabe immediately mock-shouts: "Stop assaulting me!"

Get it? Hilarious! He knows the way into this girl's heart for sure.