six months old

Annabel,

You are six months old! People told me time flies and I didn't believe them until this past month (when, non-coincidentally you began sleeping a reasonable amount). You have changed so much recently. You have a fuzzy head of blond hair, you 'talk' and laugh a lot, you crawl all over the place and you sit up. You've become such a little big girl.

I've had a hard time sleeping this past week. I find myself thinking about the night you were born, and trying to remember every detail. I asked your daddy yesterday about it: how long did she cry? what did i first say to her? did i look over at you? did i look happy, relieved, in shock? why didn't i cry? I kept thinking it was strange that I didn't cry, that I didn't immediately grasp the enormity of that moment of your birth. But today I realized two things. One, I was in labor for 46 hours with no sleep or food so no wonder it was a bit of a blur by the end. And two, I didn't know in that first instant how much you would change my life, or how deeply I could love you. It took a little getting to know you, and a little getting to know myself as a mama. And now? I just checked in on you sleeping in your crib and your little legs crossed at the ankle brought tears to my eyes. Thinking about how much I want you to be healthy and happy in your life brings tears to my eyes. Your daddy and I feel so incredibly blessed and we don't take it for granted at all. At least once a day, while doing mundane chores or eating lunch or reading mail, it will hit us, and we will look at each other, smile, and say "I just love her so much."

We love seeing your personality emerge. You are happy most of the time. You never ever stop moving. You're a busy girl. Busy busy. Always learning. You master new things quickly and you're off to the next thing. If you are focused on something you do not like to be redirected (uh oh), and lately you're getting more vocal about it. More than anything you are DETERMINED. You are the least distractable baby I've ever seen. Please use this power for good and don't be unnecessarily stubborn like your mama, who frustrates your daddy to no end by doing things like refusing to learn the cruise control in the new car.

You cry every time we put you down to sleep, and give us the brightest smile when you wake up and see us. You loooooove animals and other babies. You love eating solid food, everything except avocados so far. I can't believe the mess that's created. You like being outside and experiencing new places, and that's one of the rare times you'll be still - taking it all in. You like baths and try to eat the bubbles.

You are long and skinny and fit well in 6 month clothes. Today I put away all the 3 month clothes and it actually physically hurt a little. But there are so many things I'm looking forward to: listening to you sing, watching you splash in rain boots and hold a little umbrella, seeing you read a book, putting you in pigtails, fingerpainting, making you play-doh, cooking with you, eating ice cream cones in the summertime, hearing you say mama, and watching you hug your daddy.

Thank you for an amazing past six months. I made this movie and can't believe how tiny you were. I just want to go back and fatten you up!

It's strange to see you sleepy and still in those videos. Because this is the girl I know now.

I love you beyond measure, sweet pea!