Groundhog Day

This post was written a few days ago. I wasn't going to post it, but figure I'll record it as part of the mommy process. I'm feeling much better now :) 

I have noticed that for the past few months all my posts are about Annabel. This creature has taken over my life, and it is the best thing ever. My days revolve around feeding her, and trying to get her to sleep, and making her laugh and appreciating how amazing she is. I feel really lucky that I have the chance right now to be home with her. 

There are times, however, when it starts feeling like Groundhog Day. A wonderful day, yes, but the same day, over and over. There are times when I feel I need to shake things up. When I'm tired of hurrying to do laundry, dishes and dinner in the 40 minutes of free time I have a day. Times when I feel motivated to do something creative, productive, and for myself. Energized.

This feeling arises rarely when these certain conditions are met:

1) I have gotten 2-3 good nights of sleep in a row. (Good sleep now equals 7-8 hours interrupted by 1 or 2 feedings.) 

2) I have had a caffeinated latte. 

3) I have had some form of artistic inspiration.

With my caffeine buzz and creative juices flowing and some sleep-earned stamina to back it all up I wait til the baby naps and there it is - FREE TIME. I could do anything. Anything! And that's where the problem begins, because Anything is closely related to Everything and what a burden that is. 

It was in this frame of mind that I vented to my husband last night. It was brief but involved the following things:

1) Kicking a pile of clean laundry across the bedroom floor and cursing that I can't even keep up with the laundry, so why should I attempt something bigger. 

2) Professing envy of those people on the Discovery Channel who are experts in the most miniscule detail of the most obscure bug. They know everything about one thing instead of a tiny bit about a lot. 

3) A rant about how I can't attempt any creative enterprise due to my utter stupidity about anything technical or computer related.

----insert Gabe's suggestion about taking a class in graphic design----

4) A rant about how I can't take any classes because I have a baby attached to my boob every other minute and who is not taking a bottle. 

5) A final rant about what the hell does creative enterprise even mean. Even if I did have time I probably wouldn't make good use of it because I have few good ideas, and even fewer skills. 

And that concluded my self-bashing fit of wallowing. I sighed, defeated, and waited for the reassurance that my wonderfully supportive husband always gives. He looked at me and said: 

I think you need to go get good and drunk.