lately i've been feeling like a rubber band stretched to its limits. (bet you didn't know i was so good at similes.) so -snap!- there i went yesterday. many tears, a sleepless night, and a feeling of general helplessness.
apparently i can't handle job exhaustion, impending poverty, a messy house, delayed spring, overdue newsletter deadlines, a reiki class i'm teaching, wedding planning, etc. and a very ill grandmother all at once. i did an inventory of our finances last night with some shocking results...when gabe offhandedly commented we could have a yard sale I.JUST.LOST.IT.
i won't get into details, but our expense/income ratio is sustainable for maybe one or two more months. so we need big changes, quick.
i'll admit there is something relieving about this. we've been at or near, or moving towards this point, for a while now. somehow we always hang on by a thread - which uses up a lot of energy. to just let go, and say this isn't working anymore... well there's some peacefulness in evaluating the fallout instead of using all your energy holding it together.
also, say a prayer or good thought or whatever you may do for my grandmother in new jersey who has been on a rough road of late.
i can tell i'm overtired from all my overtired metaphors.