a ranty rant

Caution: This is really complainy. If you, like most people, do not enjoy people complaining just skip this post. It's ok, I'm not offended.

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So far I've really appreciated being pregnant. Even though I have had a long list of 'side effects' it's all overshadowed by the completely amazing thing my body is doing.

But a couple days ago I hit a wall and have become a broken, whining mess. My belly popped, which you'll see in tomorrow's picture. For the first time I feel like my belly is an 'other' - it's a squirming belly inhabited by a real person. It's hers, not mine. It's big and heavy with stretched skin. It's itchy and I'm at the point when I roll over at night I feel like I squish her, and the amount of effort it takes wakes up my husband. I wouldn't hesitate to use the word heave to describe what I need to do to get up the four or so times a night I have to pee.

This has also affected my back, which decided to totally crap out on me Wednesday as I left NJ. As soon as I started pulling my suitcase through the airport I knew I was in trouble. My left lower back was pure raw nerve. I made my way to the security line with tears in my eyes. The lady took pity on me and let me totally cut in line. I would normally object to the preferential treatment but not then. By the time I made it to the gate (which was the furthest away in the terminal) there were tears. I have a chiropractor appt. next Friday which can't come soon enough.

I was so happy to see my puppy when I got home - it had been just about a week. I took him outside to play on Thursday and he got too overexcited and basically kept jumping up and biting without stopping. He ripped a hole in my shirt and got my elbow repeatedly - which I couldn't use for a day. It's still bruised. He did it Friday too, and I got really scared. Shaking and crying scared. It wasn't aggressive but it still is really unacceptable. So I called a couple dog trainers to visit the house. It also has me nervous about the baby. On Thursday Conan also nearly broke my nose. That was definitely not his fault, though - I said release when I was bent over him taking off his leash and he hopped up over a step to leave. He is a dense doggie and his back bashed the bridge of my nose. I really thought it was broken and I had visions of being in labor while also recovering from nose surgery.

So what happens after a really bruised nose? I get a bad cold yesterday. The kind of cold that had me up til 7 a.m. I only had Nyquil, and I was desperately googling for anything that wouldn't tell me that's an awful thing to take during pregnancy. No luck. So I took two steamy showers throughout the night and also tried a neti pot. At one point both nostrils were so blocked I couldn't get in any air at all and I had a mini panic attack, who knows why.

The night before that, before the cold set in I laid down to bed and got this horrible uncomfortable feeling. Like someone punched me where my belly meets my ribcage. It got worse and worse and I couldn't do anything to make it better. I felt like I was dying. So I start rocking back and forth and bawling to my husband about how it hurts.

You'll notice a pattern of crying above, which is very strange for me. Not a big crier. But I feel like my body got run over by a truck. Pregnancy discomfort, severe back pain, dog bites, bruises, debilitating pain of unknown origin, and a bad cold with a growing fever, all in two or three days.

I want to just curl up with tea but the house is so messy and cluttered I can't relax in it. And there is a gnawing sense of needing to nest that I'm trying hard to ignore so I can get some rest. I don't need to add mental distress on top of all the physical. But there may be a freak-out on the horizon, we'll see.

Ok, that's my pity party. I'm sure this will all become a blur later on, much like the first trimester. I've heard that seeing your baby's face for the first time can bring on a lovely pregnancy and labor amnesia.

33 weeks!

Baby girl is somewhere over 4 pounds and probably a bit over 17 inches long. I googled it and this is what one site said:

Your baby weighs about 4½ pounds, as much as a grownup duck.

So if you are bad at guesstimating weight, but know a lot about ducks, there you have it. She is strong and active and gaining something like half a pound a week from here on out. I had a prenatal appt. on Thursday and everything looks good and I've gained 25 pounds. At the appt. I was a little concerned about lack of belly growth but something happened right after that (see blog pic below taken 3 days later).

On Friday we drove up to NJ and Saturday had a lovely shower on a lovely sunny fall day (hard to believe now, as it's 54 and rainy). Thank you to everyone who came & shared in loving our little girl :) She is going to be the best dressed baby ever. I think I may need a new wardrobe just so I can be seen with such a fashionista. Gabe is back at home now and I'll be back on Wednesday. Then we have a month or two to put the final touches in place and get ready for her arrival. (Who am I kidding, final touches?)

My sister is visiting from CA with her son Niko who is 17 months old and freaking adorable. I've been spending most of my time with a camera in his face. I'm sure some of those pictures will make their way onto the blog soon. For now, here is my 33-week big belly:

32 weeks

Things are going well! Just when I thought her movements couldn't get any stronger she now throws the equivalent of a fireworks finale - usually whenever I'm trying to sleep. Gabe has felt it and says it's like she's doing jumping jacks in there with limbs every which way. I haven't slept through the night this past week, but I am getting some rest throughout the day so it's okay.

Baby girl is just about 4 pounds and somewhere around 17 inches long. She's going to put on about 1/2 a pound a week for the rest of the pregnancy. I don't feel like my belly has gotten significantly bigger the past few weeks but I feel like she is a lot bigger. This means my belly is really hard and I can feel (and usually see) all her movements. My uterus is about 5 inches above my belly button! I slouch way less now because if I do the baby gets up under my rib cage and I can't breathe. I also think I've felt a couple Braxton Hicks contractions the past few days.

An odd fact: baby girl can now sweat. Also, her digestive system is up and running. Her transparent skin has turned opaque. Everything is proportionate now. She's just like a small newborn - her main tasks now are to put on fat and develop that brain of hers.

I went to a yard sale this weekend and found a couple selling super cute infant girl clothes - all looked like they were brand new. I told myself I wasn't going to buy any clothes, but I couldn't resist. And really, if you can buy 20 items for $5 why should you even try to use restraint? We also found Conan a backpack (he can carry his own water in it) and a lifejacket. He looks so cute in them and doesn't seem to mind wearing them. (Yes, pictures will follow.)

In this week's belly pic Gabe was telling me to try to stick my belly button out further :)

31 weeks!

and counting... always counting.  My goodness, it takes a long time to count to 40 when you can only do one number per week! I told Gabe for the next one there will be no counting, but by then I figure we'll be too busy with a toddler creature to micromanage a pregnancy anyway.

Baby girl is around 3.3 pounds and a bit over 16 inches long. She is definitely making her larger presence known. I can feel her way down low and under my ribcage at the same time. And sometimes you can see protrusions from either side of my belly.  I had my prenatal check-up last week and everything looked good, and I had gained 21 lbs.  That night I felt a shift and Gabe and I both thought the baby had dropped. My belly button was further away, I peed more urgently and often and I could suddenly take deep breaths again. This was confirmed the next morning by my client who took one look at me and said 'wow, she dropped. she's coming early.' Yes, I did the typical first time mom thing and called the birth center to make sure there was no concern if she had dropped. (Everything's fine.) And I think she may have un-dropped. Or just got bigger. I don't know. 

The last few clients (and a random lady at the grocery store today) have asked how far along I am and when I tell them they say 'that's it?!' and recount their girth at their own pregnancies. I am learning now the self-defensive maneuver of just being confident that everything is at it should be for me & baby. 

Tomorrow will mark two more months until her maybe-arrival. Yesterday we finished our childbirth classes and did a 'birth rehearsal'.  I'm feeling pretty ready emotionally, fairly ready logistically, and feeling excited about the birth part.  Gabe is jumping-out-of-his-seat excited to meet his little girl.  I'm tired of writing it each week, so just assume I am physically uncomfortable unless I notify you otherwise. 

Week 31 belly pic:

 

Conan is learning 'kiss the belly' command here. He picked it up quickly!  (p.s. don't I look like Kim a bit here?)

Nursery

Here's her crib all set up:

The bedding is gorgeous and cozy.  Wouldn't you love to curl up in here?

This is a dresser I got for $10 at a yard sale. Gabe I went over the pink with white to make it look shabby chic. We definitely succeeded with the shabby part.

The couple that sold me the dresser were super nice and offered to deliver the dresser about 20-25 minutes right to my house. When they dropped it off their 6 year old daughter came along and I thanked her for letting my baby have her old dresser. She got very shy and antsy and finally her mother told me she'd like to show me something. The little girl opened a dresser drawer and a pink rattle blanket was tucked inside - she said it was her favorite when she was a baby and now it could be for my baby. (I managed not to cry right then.)  The mom explained that the girl's grandmother had started a tradition of putting gifts in new furniture, and the little girl had the idea of putting it in there for me. So precious!

30 weeks!

Little miss squirmy is now 30 weeks old! Or negative 10-12 weeks, depending on your viewpoint. She is about 3 pounds heavy and 16 inches long. She flutters near my hipbone and tickles me, kicks at night, and often drags what I think is her fist along my side. Every day is a day closer to meeting her and we just can't wait!  

I am feeling ok and will be better once I get around to going to the chiropractor.  Childbirth classes are great- only one left! Today we were the misfits of the class though. It was an exercise at the end of class when we practiced different birthing positions with our husbands while we were in 'eyes-open' hypnosis. I tried sitting on the floor with Gabe supporting me and it just was so uncomfortable. He kept leaning back thinking it's better for me, but really it killed my back and made me feel like I was falling, or hurting him. I whispered that to him and he leaned close to say 'what' and his 2 day old beard tickled. We shuffled quietly over to a real chair to practice and he said 'relax, peace, release' too quick and was staring at me. I told him very quietly to stop staring (meanwhile in the darkened room three other couples were breathing deeply and guiding each other peacefully). He explained he liked staring at me, and I started giggling at his earnestness and it was all over. Gabe then started messing up the cues "re-peace.... pe-lax..." and I just couldn't laugh silently any longer.  Oops. Our instructor was nice and said laughter can be a great thing during the birthing process. She did point out to the husbands, however, that there will be a point in the birthing time where even the funniest joke won't be appreciated.  Remember that Gabe!

Our class was 3 hours long and I peed 4 times and stopped on the way home to pee again. I'm not sure it can get much worse than that. 

I am swelling up because I guess I've hit blimp phase, and though I've toughed it out for weeks it is now officially time to take off the wedding rings. Underneath is nearly permanently imprinted, as well as raw and red. I'm going to try just taking them off at night and see if that is good enough. 

Nesting update: We received our crib, mattress and bedding and it's all officially set up in the baby's room!  It looks so cozy. Gabe and I also refinished a dresser and put away some of her clothes. I'll post pics of those this week. Our epic quest for a mom-mobile has also ended!  We trekked two hours west for the elusive vehicle and purchased it Thursday. Gabe has since been obsessed with learning every detail of a 2000 Saab 9-5. I'm pretty sure he could take it apart and fix it back together at this point. Pics of that to come this week as well. 

For now here is this week's belly picture:

29 weeks!

Baby girl is 2 1/2 pounds and just over 15 inches. I've gained 20 pounds. I'm feeling heavy and achy and I think I'm going to give in and go to the chiropractor. I'd like to make sure everything is aligned before a newborn tries to exit my pelvis. I'm thinking that if I can't bend over or walk around the block without nerve pain, I should probably not expect childbirth to flow along as easily as it could. I also found out I am anemic, and so I'm not sure if my weakness / tiredness / shortness of breath is due to anemia or just normal pregnancy symptoms. In any case, I'm taking iron supplements and eating more meat. I've got roughly 11 weeks to get some energy and get my body running in proper order.

They measured my fundal height (top of uterus) at my last appointment and I'm pretty sure it's up to my sternum or so.  I don't see how it can get much higher. Last night I was drifting to sleep and suddenly felt two jabs to the ribs, simultaneously, one on the left and one on the right. It was the weirdest feeling - I would have bolted upright in bed if that was physically possible. THOSE WERE LITTLE FEET!  It was like she was swimming and pushing off the end of the pool. She's been doing all sorts of gymnastics this past week.  Sometimes it's like a hummingbird in there - all these frantic sharp flutters for thirty seconds or so. Sometimes it's thumps. Sometimes it's big dragging movements where I'm surprised I don't see her limbs outlined on my tummy. Her movements are much stronger than I ever realized baby movements were going to get. And I can't prove it, but I get the distinct impression she is content in there. 

My mom got our crib & bedding and that will be arriving in a week. This did set off a domino effect of feeling not ready, and all other sorts of hormonal craziness. The weather shifted this past week here and the nights got cooler. There are Halloween decorations in the stores. The kids are in school. People say oh, you must be due soon.  Suddenly things sped up and it's going to be the shower, and then maternity photos, then baby. I'm so excited we're entering the season in which she'll be born... but we seriously have some work ahead to make sure our little nest is ready. 

This week's belly pic. Look, no mullet!