neverending stories

... and we're back.

2011-08-10T19:20:00.000-07:00

Along with lots of other things/people/sleep/food I've neglected this month, I must now add the blog to the list. Here's what's been going on the past month:

* I got a job. It's a work-from-home editing job that I thought would be easy. I really like it, but it's been INTENSE. There's a major training period and I've been working every day. For a month. Long hours. Some near all-nighters. It's getting better though. No more crying breakdowns, so that's a start.

* We've been house-hunting. Which I thought involved looking at houses and choosing one. But no, it's a major emotional and mental journey. It's made us question all our priorities, make plans (a major weakness of ours), evaluate finances, etc. It's been tough. We have one offer out and of course we're all sorts of confused about it now.

* My cat Daphne died. Poor Daphne. It's just a horrible, awful story that I don't feel like writing at the moment.

* Annabel has been passing out. It's happened three times. She screams and then turns blue and then grey. Her eyes flutter, she 'sleeps' and then is lethargic. One time she had this horrible 20-second in-breath that sounded like death and made me bawl. I'm told this all is nothing to worry about.

* Nanny crises. It's hard to find someone to trust. It's hard to find child care when we may be moving. It's hard to explain she might pass out if she gets upset but just lay her down and wait for her to return to consciousness. It's hard to leave her all day when she won't take a bottle but needs milk. It's extra hard when you have a babysitter come to the house and your daughter just cries and tries to crawl to where you are working the entire time.

So that's what I've been up to. I need to upload a bunch of videos I've taken. I also need to take pictures!! I haven't taken any this whole month. (I've skipped showers for a few days and missed meals, so seriously I would have if I could have.) Annabel has, of course, changed so much. Last week she started standing, and today she reached some mastery. All day she's lifted her hands up, squealed and sometimes even clapped her hands. She's trying to stand from sitting, though she only usually gets to kneeling. She also a couple times threw herself forward from standing, which makes me think that little munchkin isn't going to waste time trying to walk.

She talks/yells/screams/squeals a lot. She is very loud and communicative. When we say 'clap' without moving she claps. I don't know why but the moment she first did that was so surreal. She understands things! She is like a real little person :)

She loves Gabe's keyboard. We lay it on the floor and she happily plays and plays. She dances too. (Cutest thing ever? Perhaps.) Tooth 5 & 6 are through and she has the cutest toothy grin. She bites her little poofies in half before she eats them. And of course little miss independent will no longer eat any food we feed her. She must feed herself.

Tomorrow I'm home with her (while working) but I will make time for a little 8 1/2 month photo shoot!

pop for tots

2011-07-06T20:51:00.000-07:00

Sheesh, nobody ever told me that giving Annabel soda mixed with her milk would be wholesome and make her popular. Thanks, world, for holding out on me.

a natural...

2011-06-30T14:33:00.000-07:00

She is getting to be more comfortable moving around while standing. Maybe a little too comfortable. But her dismounts are starting to become more reliably non-concussion producing so it's all good. Here's the little munchkin at some random play today:

a house in the country

2011-06-25T19:09:00.000-07:00

When my friend Sabrina visited a couple months ago we visited a winery and then toured the scenic countryside. We happened upon this house, with the best views in all the land, and large trees begging for tire swings. We were smitten. We looked it up and could not spend 300,000 on a house, even if it was gorgeous and had 10 acres.

But it went 'on sale' for 200k a couple days ago so we ventured out there today to stalk it again. Here are some views from out of the passenger window during the drive there.

And here is the house:

Gabe contemplating where a tire swing would go for Annabel:

The view:

We have visions of fruit trees, solar panels and goats... But it probably needs crap tons of work. At the very least it was a nice afternoon out!

seven months old

2011-06-24T19:48:00.000-07:00

Why does seven months old seem so much older than six months old? So many changes this month: sitting well, pulling up to standing, standing on her own (a couple times today, a couple seconds each), cruising, two little teeth popping through, lots of babbling, more laughing, more personality...

I LOVE THIS GIRL SOOOO MUCH!

She is waking up really early now and I've been feeling zombie-ish. But I've discovered if I kiss her belly in the morning she erupts in giggles, and that gets rid of my initial reaction of wanting to cry from lack of sleep. She is teething like a champ. Sometimes she has bouts of fussiness, and she puts her fingers in her mouth more, but overall things are going smoothly. Check out her two pearly whites.

This is where she is usually perched these days-

She stands all. the. time. She just hangs out there, building up those little leg muscles. She will spend a whole day climbing up on the couch then getting back down. Sometimes she has trouble getting back down and she'll stare at the floor and scream in frustration. But more and more she'll bend her knees, place one hand down and land gracefully on her tush.

Her cute face that reminds me of an old man:

This is her saying I can't believe you got a bow in this peach fuzz of my head. Furthermore, I can't believe I have sweet potatoes in my ear and you've left it there this whole time.

I haven't gotten tons of pics and videos of her newfound mobility skills because usually I'm spotting her. But now that we have a rug and she's getting more stable I'll post some more.

Here's one of her today cruising on the couch, with a little poop detour.

You are so fun and smart and beautiful little munchkin!

i know someone who is rolling over in their grave right now...

2011-06-24T16:41:00.001-07:00

care of www.regretsy.com

a year ago...

2011-06-22T19:33:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about a year ago. I was lying in a dark room with a picture of our unborn baby projected on the wall. Since my sister had a boy already, there was a definite hope for a girl from my family. Gabe only has nephews so his family was probably on Team Pink as well. And though I was obviously wanting a healthy baby of either sex, part of me had visions of raising a strong daughter, fastening pigtails, and buying the ridiculously cute dresses I had seen in stores.

The tech told us undoubtedly GIRL and the crowd went wild :) Gabe said 'We just gotta keep her off the pole.' I went home and was totally exhausted. I felt like I had run a marathon. So much wondering and dreaming, and now we knew.

Looking back, it makes me smile at how we had no idea what was in store. People tell you that your life will change. And I always thought 'well, obviously'. But I couldn't have imagined her, for all that time I spent imagining. She is such a little person, so separate from anyone else's ideas of who she would be. I also couldn't have known how I would change as a mother. I didn't know about all the anxiety, joy, the challenges, the love and sleeplessness. Just no idea. And if I could go back and tell myself something, I wouldn't say a word. It was all the most wonderful surprise.

My Beach Bum

2011-06-22T18:28:00.000-07:00

I've got some catching up to do. First, we found out that Annabel loves loves loves the beach. She especially loves eating it.

She did not like it so much when she was not allowed to eat it.

We went down to Myrtle Beach and Annabel got to hang out with Grandpop & Aunt Neicey.

Near the ocean it was really windy and wavy and loud. I wasn't sure how she would do. I think she liked it.

After a long time playing in the ocean she chilled in the shade of the umbrella:

She is standing up all the time now, which is made especially cute by the addition of ruffles:

Left to her own devices she would have happily eaten a tummy full of sand and then crawled right into the waves like a baby sea turtle. I think this bodes well a family scuba trip in about 13 years!

cuddling

2011-06-11T20:00:00.000-07:00

When Annabel wakes up early I wish I could pull her from the crib, take her into bed and we would cuddle like this:

Instead I take her into bed to cuddle and she sees her daddy so she yells in excitement and crawls all over him. I pull her back into my arms and she kicks off again, striking my boobs and elbowing my throat. Serious ow. I try to pull her back one more time and she babbles and screams (see previous post) and scrapes her nails across my face. Just as I'm about to get as cranky as I can be in my sleepy 5:32 a.m. state she gives me a giant gummy smile. So we get up and start our day. Not quite as cute and cuddly as this video, but I'll take it :)

girl at play

2011-06-11T18:19:00.000-07:00

I wanted to get a couple videos of Annabel at everyday play, at six and a half months. It doesn't seem that long ago that we could plop her under an activity mat and go do dishes for five minutes. I remember when she started to roll off the mat. And then it's a blur until now - this loud, busy, mobile creature you can't take your eye off of for a second.

And another:

(Does it sound like she's saying 'brrrr' after she makes the octopus say brown?)

Baby girl is so much fun to play with nowadays. (Not so much when she is raring to go before 6 a.m.) She is starting to show some signs of separation anxiety (crying when we leave the room) but very little stranger anxiety. Usually she shouts across a room to get someone's attention. Over and over. Until I explain to random stranger that she is trying to say hi. Once they acknowledge her she is content. Awkward. (Did anyone ever notice how awkward looking the word awkward is?) Today Gabe had a Blocklets making party and Annabel was happily awake for five hours playing with everyone and loving all the attention. (And yes, I really did try to get her to sleep for an hour and half. Didn't work.)

*Reason #2.7 million that kids are funny:

today-

me: looking at boy with one shoe off and right under annabel's hands

boy: i gave her my shoe, she liked it a lot

me: oh, that is nice of you but she'll eat it

boy: that's ok, i don't mind.

You can probably tell from all the tangents and parentheticals that I am tired. I'm going to sleep early tonight. And hopefully I don't wake up in the middle of the night and puke for hours like I did a couple nights ago. (Still an awful mystery.)

a favorite thing

2011-06-11T08:17:00.000-07:00

If Annabel falls down (which is happening a lot) or gets really cranky we play her favorite game - Let's Throw You in the Air Until You Are a Happy Baby Again. She loves it.

p.s. Mama doesn't approve of this variation of the game that includes spinning her around in mid-air.

sitting like a big girl

2011-06-08T11:55:00.000-07:00

Annabel has decided she no longer needs her hands to prop herself up while sitting:

She also decided last week that she should start STANDING. She has pulled herself to standing three times now, to my horror. She is such a little munchkin doing such big girl things. I feel so proud of her, but part of me just wants her to slow down so I can enjoy her fleeting babyness.

instagram

2011-06-07T19:08:00.000-07:00

I just found out about this app (months and months late, of course) and have been playing around with it today.

Even the port-a-potty outside our house looks cool. If you have the app you can follow me at 'alysacantor'. Or you can find pics here. If anyone knows how to put a stream on a blog, please let me know!

our little crawler

2011-06-03T14:23:00.000-07:00

Annabel has been crawling for a while, but she hit a milestone four days ago when she 'cross-crawled' - a real opposite foot and hand crawl as opposed to her version of The Worm dance.

The first time she did it I was randomly taking a video:

Here she is two days later:

And another two days later (today):

pets

2011-06-02T19:21:00.000-07:00

Last March my husband did a project at the animal shelter and came home declaring we needed to adopt a puppy. His name was Sammy (at the time). I had just learned I was pregnant, and was in my zombie pukey stage. We were going to have a baby. We lived in an 800 sf apartment. We weren't allowed to have another pet at our apartment complex. There were many reasons not to do it, but I gave in. Because my husband is such a dog person, because I have a weakness for shelter animals, because I love a challenge, and because I met him. It was all over after that.

Training him was hard. I was exhausted and sick and there was this crazy rambunctious puppy eating everything and testing limits. I played referee all day between him and the cats.

We persevered, and got a place with a backyard and things started getting better. But then he hit his teenage years. Right when I had a big belly he started jumping on us, getting mouthy and not listening to anything we said. He got aggressive with some dogs over food and toys. I got very worried about bringing a baby into this situation.

We had a dog trainer come to the house a couple times and help us train him in a positive manner. Pretty soon after that we felt we had our good dog back. He also started going to doggie daycare a couple times a week. He got in a few scraps that first week, but apparently the other dogs taught him well. He's been nothing but a good dog for months.

As soon as Annabel became more aware of her surroundings she zeroed in on the animals. Conan got a look, then a smile, then a laugh, and now she does an elaborate dance and screech when she sees him, or her signature, insistent grunt which I translate to mean "look at that, look at that, i want that, i want that." She loves this dog. And he loves her. Mostly because she usually has sweet potatoes or oatmeal on her hands or dried behind her ears. He learned quickly that underneath the highchair is the place to be.

Here are the two of them, hanging out in the morning:

Annabel also loves our cat Ookie, who surprisingly keeps coming around despite the ear and tail pulls and loud screeching. Annabel never moves faster than when she sees Ookie across the room.

If Ookie needs a break from the baby she has learned to take the high ground. Ookie is in for a surprise in a few months, I think.

And just when I think there is too much sweetness, can you believe that Conan and Ookie get along? Our other cat Daphne has refused to even acknowledge him and is now much happier living outside. But Ookie tolerated him in the beginning and now has warmed up to him. They lay together on the floor, and she rubs her head up against him. They were giving each other baths the other day. Adorable.

I am so thankful I gave in and let our husband bring home a puppy at the worst time possible. He has been such a joy, and I just love watching Annabel grow up with him.

peek-a-boo

2011-05-30T13:33:00.000-07:00

Annabel has never been into peek-a-boo, despite our best efforts. When we pop out from behind hands or couches she gives us this disinterested stare like Duh, I knew you were right behind there. But this time I succeeded! She apparently thinks it's hilarious when I'm wearing sunglasses and lift them up quick:

NKOTB

2011-05-29T06:11:00.000-07:00

This picture makes me wonder whose poster Annabel will want on her wall in thirteen years. (And seriously, this overall look was considered attractive??)

six month stats

2011-05-26T18:38:00.000-07:00

I officially have a peanutty itty bitty munchkin. Annabel is in the 23rd percentile for length and head circumference and 3rd percentile for weight. She has always been really low for weight, but the other two dropped from a consistent 40-50%. They told me they are not too concerned.. she is naturally petite, a wicked calorie burner and just started solids. We're doing a weight check in four weeks just to be sure she is maintaining.

Annabel got an all clear for sunscreen, insect repellent, use of sippy cup and solids three times a day. She also got three shots that put her in a funk today. The dr. confirmed that yes that's a tiny tooth pushing through the gums.

p.s. What do you think of the new blog design? I'm trying to get my learn on. I'm also going to stop fighting the worry that this is becoming only a mommy blog and just embrace it. This blog will be a family blog, and I'm going to start a new one to have an outlet for some other art & musings. More on that later. For now a couple six month pics.

six months old

2011-05-24T04:22:00.000-07:00

Annabel,

You are six months old! People told me time flies and I didn't believe them until this past month (when, non-coincidentally you began sleeping a reasonable amount). You have changed so much recently. You have a fuzzy head of blond hair, you 'talk' and laugh a lot, you crawl all over the place and you sit up. You've become such a little big girl.

I've had a hard time sleeping this past week. I find myself thinking about the night you were born, and trying to remember every detail. I asked your daddy yesterday about it: how long did she cry? what did i first say to her? did i look over at you? did i look happy, relieved, in shock? why didn't i cry? I kept thinking it was strange that I didn't cry, that I didn't immediately grasp the enormity of that moment of your birth. But today I realized two things. One, I was in labor for 46 hours with no sleep or food so no wonder it was a bit of a blur by the end. And two, I didn't know in that first instant how much you would change my life, or how deeply I could love you. It took a little getting to know you, and a little getting to know myself as a mama. And now? I just checked in on you sleeping in your crib and your little legs crossed at the ankle brought tears to my eyes. Thinking about how much I want you to be healthy and happy in your life brings tears to my eyes. Your daddy and I feel so incredibly blessed and we don't take it for granted at all. At least once a day, while doing mundane chores or eating lunch or reading mail, it will hit us, and we will look at each other, smile, and say "I just love her so much."

We love seeing your personality emerge. You are happy most of the time. You never ever stop moving. You're a busy girl. Busy busy. Always learning. You master new things quickly and you're off to the next thing. If you are focused on something you do not like to be redirected (uh oh), and lately you're getting more vocal about it. More than anything you are DETERMINED. You are the least distractable baby I've ever seen. Please use this power for good and don't be unnecessarily stubborn like your mama, who frustrates your daddy to no end by doing things like refusing to learn the cruise control in the new car.

You cry every time we put you down to sleep, and give us the brightest smile when you wake up and see us. You loooooove animals and other babies. You love eating solid food, everything except avocados so far. I can't believe the mess that's created. You like being outside and experiencing new places, and that's one of the rare times you'll be still - taking it all in. You like baths and try to eat the bubbles.

You are long and skinny and fit well in 6 month clothes. Today I put away all the 3 month clothes and it actually physically hurt a little. But there are so many things I'm looking forward to: listening to you sing, watching you splash in rain boots and hold a little umbrella, seeing you read a book, putting you in pigtails, fingerpainting, making you play-doh, cooking with you, eating ice cream cones in the summertime, hearing you say mama, and watching you hug your daddy.

Thank you for an amazing past six months. I made this movie and can't believe how tiny you were. I just want to go back and fatten you up!

It's strange to see you sleepy and still in those videos. Because this is the girl I know now.

I love you beyond measure, sweet pea!

big girl stuff

2011-05-22T17:51:00.000-07:00

I gave up on the Bumbo. It seemed such a good invention, but Miss Annabel is too much of a squirmbug and she was about 1/2 a second from arching and crawling out. So into the highchair we went. Doesn't she look like such a big girl now?

Now that she has gotten the knack of crawling, I have discovered something disturbing. She is starting to think vertically. Yesterday while I was showering she started pawing at the tub. And today she did this:

Baby girl, feel free to slow it down. Just when I get to know you, you are a different girl. I'm starting to understand now why people say it all goes by in the blink of an eye.

backlog

2011-05-19T14:40:00.000-07:00

Annabel has been growing so fast, I can't keep up. She is talking more, sitting, crawling all around and making more of her personality known. I take videos each day and by the next day she's changed. I'm overwhelmed at this point with how to document it all on the blog. And I've never yet mentioned two old friends I got a chance to reconnect with, our trip to NJ (in which Annabel meets her cousin!), or pictures of Annabel and Conan together.

But for now here are just two things:

1) Gabe's Kickstarter project is funded!! If you helped out or spread the word we send thanks! If you haven't yet and are interested you have until Saturday at 9 pm.

2) Yesterday I got Annabel from a nap and she was sitting and playing with a toy. SITTING. I did a triple take. She hadn't even looked interested in sitting at all the day before. She is now refining it. She spent a good hour and a half today practicing, without interruption. She would sometimes get frustrated and cry, but she got mad if I picked her up. She was busy learning. She also was so intent on getting my ipod today.. she crawled to it over and over and cried if I tried to distract her. It didn't help if I hid it, she tried to find it. I had to leave the room, dance with her, and have her play with Conan before she got over it. Mark my words: girl. is. determined.

her first modeling gig

2011-05-16T13:28:00.000-07:00

An article came out today regarding Blocklets - check it out here! It's a well written article but I think the photos are the best part :)

time suck

2011-05-15T17:26:00.000-07:00

In case you are wondering how I filled up all that time yesterday evening I will fill you in. I kept seeing this dude's face on Kickstarter and thought he looked a bit like Gabe when the picture was small. See?

I finally got tired of seeing it so many times and clicked on it. Yeah, so some guy does Journey covers, woo hoo, I thought, underwhelmed. But listen to this guy! I love his voice. I suddenly want to listen to everything he has done. So I spent the night on youtube, and also listened to other songs from that AV project. By the way, if you have $1500 you need to dispose of, this guy will come anywhere in the continental US and do a private acoustic concert - good deal! And for $150 he will cover any song you want and send you an mp3. I think that is amazing.

I also found another surefire time suck. If anyone wants to buy me this, I promise I will spend hours and hours going from cover to cover.

identity crisis

2011-05-14T17:47:00.000-07:00

After I wrote the title of this I spent half an hour looking up the etymology of crisis. And felt nostalgic for all that time I used to spend looking up origins of words. (The etymology of 'nostalgia' is one of my favorites by the way.) Because for the past months I haven't had time. For myself. I don't know if I ever said 'myself', because my point of reference for all things became that little girl that arrived in our life. I could tell that I didn't feel the same kind of 'us' between my husband and me for those first months. I certainly didn't think of personal goals. There was not really an I - just a 'we' - this little girl that occupied all my energy and time.

But as you know I just spent a half hour looking up trivia about a word. (I just made an impulsive frown, feeling bad that I called a word's origin trivia. Sorry 'crisis'.) Annabel went to sleep at 7:30 (thankfully, since she's falling a bit off the sleep wagon..ironically since my blog post about her super sleeping). Gabe is at the Tech Shop. I am here. With TIME.

And ever since she's been sleeping, I've found myself with TIME. It's like it's brand new. And it's also forcing me into an identity crisis. I've been thinking about it more since I read my sister's blog post. Her baby is 6 weeks old, and I wasn't nearly at that point of questioning an identity besides mommy. I was in a sleep-deprived haze of nursing and diaper changes and worrying about her gaining some weight. I remember when she was nearly three months old thinking 'ok, this is starting to become a bit more manageable'. I had some time to maybe cook and clean. But my baby didn't sleep much until 5 months old. And that is when some spare minutes started creeping in. Minutes where dinner was made, the house was relatively clean, bills paid, baby sleeping. Like now. And I am starting to feel like Alysa again. Like maybe I want to have a goal that is something totally personal. But I have no idea what that is. I almost feel like I'm rebuilding from scratch. Because all these goals and choices will have repercussions. If I work, and where, and how long I'll be away from the baby. Do I go back to being a therapist? If not, how do I justify my umm...tenth career change? But doing therapy at the moment sounds totally not fun. I'm craving something literal and goal-oriented and mentally challenging. Something with words and numbers and not the abstract, emotional, circular feel of counseling or art therapy. And I definitely do not want to do something involving angry teenagers.

So we'll see. I'm trying to be patient and thoughtful and optimistic vs. pouty and self-critical and impatient. My mood isn't helped by the previous gray week full of cicadas. They are everywhere. I get grossed out just walking to the car. And they are loud. Check it out:

Well, I'm going to go lounge around in some spare time. And I will not make scones. Because last time that happened I ate five of them in one night. Five, people. And I knew how much butter went into them. Sheesh.

Kickstarter update

2011-05-14T14:59:00.000-07:00

So proud of my husband! His project is 77% funded, with 7 days left. They are getting lots of press, like this. And tweets. I can't believe something as silly sounding as Twitter and tweets is in such common usage.

Check out their site if you haven't yet (there are two new rewards, by the way). Or their website. And stay tuned for some pretty cool press coming in the next few days.

These Blocky creatures are popping up around the house:

And I'm pretty sure Annabel is popping up in their next video.

oh, love!

2011-05-13T12:42:00.001-07:00

like treading water

2011-05-13T11:00:00.000-07:00

Usually I have Annabel practice crawling in our bedroom, because it's a bigger open space and it's carpeted. She was on the living room floor in this video and had an unexpected blanket and slippery floor obstacle:

messy messy

2011-05-13T10:57:00.000-07:00

Annabel is the messiest eater. It's hard now to get her to attend to eating (or nursing, or diaper changes, or anything). She always has her own agenda. See the flowers in the background? This morning (not this video) I was feeding her and she kept arching back to get them. I pushed them back further and further and she arched into a backbend and grabbed the edge of leaves to pull it close. Almost came out of the Bumbo.

There can be nothing within a 5 foot radius or she tries to get it. And she's got that object permanence thing down. She remembers you taking things away and she will look and look and look for it. Sometimes I feed her on the living room table and our bookend statues and candle are currently covered in sweet potatoes. I should probably go clean them now.

Play time with Daddy

2011-05-13T10:49:00.000-07:00

Daddy playing pat-a-cake with Annabel, sort of. I can't blame him. I don't know the words either and up until now thought it was 'patty cake'.

I think it cut out, but in the very beginning Gabe is saying "I need a clock that runs backwards." Typical Gabe.

sleep

2011-05-11T19:37:00.000-07:00

Here is my beautiful girl. Here are some surprising facts about this picture:

1) It was taken after a 2 hour nap.

2) This is one of her 3-4 usual naps per day.

3) She is smiling when she wakes up, her new normal.

4) She is well rested, after having slept 11 or 12 hours the night before, waking up once. Which she now does EVERY NIGHT.

I've been hesitant to mention it on the blog, but Annabel - my I-only-sleep-8-hours, if that-Annabel - is now a textbook sleeper. She goes to bed between 7 and 8 pm and wakes between 6:30 and 8 a.m. She takes 3 to 4 naps a day, about 2 hours apart. (The 2 hour nap is a bit of a fluke - 40 mins. is average.) This is all going into the third week now.

This literally happened overnight. I had called my pediatrician at a complete loss, feeling like an incompetent mother who was depriving her baby of needed sleep. Not to mention that I'd had 5 months of very little sleep, with long long long stretches of trying to get a screamy protesting baby to go to bed finally, already. If only I had this book at the time.

My doctor was shocked at how little my baby was sleeping and wondered how she was functioning so well. I got a 'prescription' for sleep training. I thought I'd been doing something like this already, but I wasn't. She recommended putting Annabel down after a bedtime routine, saying a certain good-night phrase, then leave. Let her cry 5 mins., come back, repeat phrase, and do all this without touching her. The other mandate was to have my husband do the bedtime routine, so that Annabel wouldn't expect to be fed. I think it's this part that was key. The first night Annabel cried about 40 mins. I was used to this, but Gabe was not. He almost was in tears. But she quieted, then slept, at 8:45 p.m. vs. 1 a.m. And since then she's been great! She cries when I put on the white noise now and say it's nap time or Gabe says good-night. I think this is a good sign, though, because she knows what's up. She doesn't like it, and lets us know that, but she accepts it. And she is well rested and happy.

I would be well rested too, except I've been stoked to have my evenings back. I used to spend from 6 pm til 1ish trying to get her to sleep and now I have time! I love this freedom again and am having my own little protest against bedtime... I go to sleep 12-1, wake to feed her around 3-4 and am up with her around 7. Now I just need someone to put me to bed on time!

bubbles

2011-05-09T18:53:00.001-07:00

A video I took last week of Annabel at the height of another blowing bubbles phase:

sweet dreams

2011-05-04T17:53:00.000-07:00

I came across two beds I think would be adorable for Annabel whenever she graduates to a big girl bed. (Oh my god, I think I just got vertigo thinking about that.)

or

Which do you like better?

Point A to Point B

2011-05-04T10:16:00.000-07:00

Annabel figured out how to be on her hands and knees yesterday and now it's her go-to position. From there she does lunges, downward facing dogs, rolls and rocks. She doesn't stop moving. Ever. She gets around now in a half crawl, half roll. I took a little video today to show her going from Point A to B. Yesterday it was different and I'm sure it will be tomorrow:

I love to watch her experiment. And I love the screams and bubbles that follow her moments of frustration:

I think it's high time to baby proof, which is Gabe's job as our home's official Safety Officer :)

more guacamole for me, then

2011-05-03T17:52:00.000-07:00

little houdini

2011-05-02T13:37:00.000-07:00

This weekend we put Annabel down for a nap and then put the monitor on in the living room. After a long while I realized the static that had come through was continually uniform and I wondered if the transmitting monitor was off. Yup. As I got close to the nursery I heard her insistently talking, not quite crying, so I assumed she'd been up a little while. When I looked into the crib this is what I saw:

We put her down dressed in a onesie, and somehow it was completely off and still snapped. It's a 3-6 month size so not too big on her. How does this happen? What I wouldn't give for a video of this!

Kickstarter

2011-04-30T17:38:00.000-07:00

My husband has been hard at work on a project for the past few months, and it launched on Kickstarter last week. So far they've reached 20% of their goal with three weeks left- hooray! If you've ever had a thing for Legos or Bucky Balls or sculpture, or you know what Arduino means then you'd probably like this product. Check it out here.

They've been mentioned on a few blogs, including Design Mom and Ponoko. And the host from Discovery Channel's Time Warp is going to make a sculpture out of Blocklets - cool! It will be auctioned off, along with other sculptures made by local artists, at the Maker Faire in June to benefit the Red Cross.

There are lots of ways to support this project. You can share the link on facebook, do whatever it is people do with Twitter, tell your friends the old-fashioned way by talking to them, or pledge on Kickstarter and receive some Blocklets kits. You could also pledge $1, which will go towards the sculptures being auctioned to charity. (This is very much appreciated because a high number of backers, even at the dollar level, increases the project's popularity on the site and leads to more views.) It's all linked up to an Amazon account, so if you have one you just need to click twice to pledge. (This is dangerously easy, as I've been busy supporting other fantastic projects now.)

Oh, and coffee/tea drinkers - there's this ridiculously successful Kickstarter project that is currently 3000% funded. It has one day left if you are interested. Gabe created a video where he makes the Coffee Joulies out of Blocklets. He did it it one take, and you should be very proud of me that I was there and did not laugh during filming :)

5 months old

2011-04-26T07:59:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures taken the day Annabel turned 5 months old, which also happened to be Easter. I love how she is super fancy in dress and headband with a big scrape on her nose. Gabe and I both agree this is fitting for her, but it's hard to articulate why. Perhaps as she grows older we'll look back and see how this image reflects her personality.

I unfortunately forgot the camera card during Annabel's first encounter with sea water. She cried for a few seconds, then watched Conan playing in the ocean, decided it was fun too and laughed. Then her butt got wet and it was no fun anymore.

Love you sweet girl... can't believe it's been almost half a year since we first saw that beautiful face!

my two eyed purple potato eater

2011-04-22T18:38:00.000-07:00

Annabel had her first taste of non-cereal foods. I chose purple sweet potato because it was a good texture, healthy and I'd never had it before either. (It's good!) I did not foresee the mess, nor how it would make my daughter look like she had facial hair and a black eye.

At the end of the little meal Daddy came home and took this video. She was ravenous the whole time but Daddy stole her attention. She loves loves loves when he comes home. Her mama does too.

return of the bubbles

2011-04-20T13:57:00.000-07:00

Annabel took a hiatus from blowing bubbles, but as of yesterday they're back. Here she is in her go crib trying to tell me something:

And this afternoon I brought the ipod in to record a typical wake-up scene and she was talking and blowing bubbles. Cracks me up.

And I know I'm taking a lot of videos but I figure it's so easy to forget the everyday moments that I'll appreciate it somewhere down the road.

spatial skills

2011-04-20T12:04:00.000-07:00

Annabel seems so aware of where things are around her - it's so amazing the changes that happen in just a few months. She also seems very adept at manipulating objects too. She can grasp whatever she wants, spin it around, change it to another hand...and is very focused while doing so. My husband noticed this too and even set up a baby version of pin the tail on the donkey (spin her around and see if she remembers where the toy is without looking). I think we've collected enough data at this point to celebrate the fact that she has inherited her spatial skills from her daddy. Her super smart engineering daddy, who can make or fix anything and quickly becomes expert in engineering or architecture software without any training. Versus her mama, who bumps into things at least once a day, has not yet successfully refilled the salt shaker without a mess, had to call her husband to find out how the 3-part ice cream maker goes together, and who gets vertigo when the carpet pattern changes beneath her feet. Gabe has joked that her spatial abilities seem on par with mine. Very funny, and maybe true.

Today I put her in the swing while I made a quick lunch and then I heard this awful noise. She was playing with the mobile, which she can now evidently reach:

play pen

2011-04-19T15:03:00.000-07:00

My husband and I thought we came up with a ~~way to not lose our minds~~ solution to those long stretches of hours when Annabel just will not sleep. Thinking perhaps because she misses us, we set up our Go Crib in the living room. There she would have space to play and perhaps settle herself to sleep. It also temporarily solves the problem of her rolling off blankets and into tables while we're going pee.

Here's Miss Annabel's response. We're hoping she warms up to it.

nap

2011-04-19T11:42:00.000-07:00

My baby is napping! I put her down at 1 and it is now 2:36. I don't remember the last time she napped so long during the day. I checked on her and found this:

I took the picture, she stirred, and I crouched down behind the crib in 1/4 second flat. Then of course I felt ridiculous. But no way am I going to be the reason for her waking up. No way. I actually got to have a real lunch today.

This also poses the question of bumpers.. I took them out of the crib but then she'd put all her limbs in the slats and then try to roll around. I inserted the bumper and now she smooshes her face on them, so that I'm in there checking on her every five minutes.

But she's sleeping. Did I mention she is actually taking a legitimate nap in the daytime?

belly laughs

2011-04-17T12:54:00.000-07:00

are the best thing. ever.

crawling

2011-04-17T12:17:00.000-07:00

I'm not exactly sure when it goes from 'crawling' to crawling. But in any case, completely gone are the days of putting her down on a blanket or play gym and expecting her to stay there for more than ten seconds. Girl can get from Point A to Point B. She may grunt and be awkward doing it, but she gets there.

a first

2011-04-17T11:48:00.001-07:00

I had no intention of starting solids for another month or so, but I bought rice cereal and it lasted two days in the cabinet before I got too curious and just wanted to see her reaction. This is a pretty boring unedited video, just to warn you.

She LOVED it!

I think we’ll take it slow and wait a bit longer for fruits and veggies. I can’t wait to post those pics of a messy baby covered in peas

Groundhog Day

2011-04-17T11:44:00.000-07:00

This post was written a few days ago. I wasn't going to post it, but figure I'll record it as part of the mommy process. I'm feeling much better now :)

I have noticed that for the past few months all my posts are about Annabel. This creature has taken over my life, and it is the best thing ever. My days revolve around feeding her, and trying to get her to sleep, and making her laugh and appreciating how amazing she is. I feel really lucky that I have the chance right now to be home with her.

There are times, however, when it starts feeling like Groundhog Day. A wonderful day, yes, but the same day, over and over. There are times when I feel I need to shake things up. When I'm tired of hurrying to do laundry, dishes and dinner in the 40 minutes of free time I have a day. Times when I feel motivated to do something creative, productive, and for myself. Energized.

This feeling arises rarely when these certain conditions are met:

1) I have gotten 2-3 good nights of sleep in a row. (Good sleep now equals 7-8 hours interrupted by 1 or 2 feedings.)

2) I have had a caffeinated latte.

3) I have had some form of artistic inspiration.

With my caffeine buzz and creative juices flowing and some sleep-earned stamina to back it all up I wait til the baby naps and there it is - FREE TIME. I could do anything. Anything! And that's where the problem begins, because Anything is closely related to Everything and what a burden that is.

It was in this frame of mind that I vented to my husband last night. It was brief but involved the following things:

1) Kicking a pile of clean laundry across the bedroom floor and cursing that I can't even keep up with the laundry, so why should I attempt something bigger.

2) Professing envy of those people on the Discovery Channel who are experts in the most miniscule detail of the most obscure bug. They know everything about one thing instead of a tiny bit about a lot.

3) A rant about how I can't attempt any creative enterprise due to my utter stupidity about anything technical or computer related.

----insert Gabe's suggestion about taking a class in graphic design----

4) A rant about how I can't take any classes because I have a baby attached to my boob every other minute and who is not taking a bottle.

5) A final rant about what the hell does creative enterprise even mean. Even if I did have time I probably wouldn't make good use of it because I have few good ideas, and even fewer skills.

And that concluded my self-bashing fit of wallowing. I sighed, defeated, and waited for the reassurance that my wonderfully supportive husband always gives. He looked at me and said:

I think you need to go get good and drunk.

another comparison

2011-04-15T18:46:00.000-07:00

Annabel seems to have sprouted this past week. I'm not surprised since she's been eating more frequently. Every day she is a bit different. And then when you look at weeks, or months - wow.

Week 2 (in newborn clothes):

Week 21 (in a 6-month dress):

and she's off.....

2011-04-14T10:28:00.000-07:00

Annabel is surprising me every day with how mobile she is becoming. Last night I watched her crawl all around her crib. She sat up 10 seconds on her own. She can roll wherever she needs to go. And then there are things like this... I thought I was just capturing a little video of her being cute and playing...

She is a determined little creature.

oh, the places you’ll go

2011-04-13T20:15:00.000-07:00

Annabel went to her fifth state this past weekend: Massachusetts. I spent 13 years there, and it seemed strange to think my daughter wasn’t born there. We had a full few days there. Annabel met grandparents again:

And met Uncle Aaron and Aunt Chandra for the first time:

And her cousins Bodhi and Jasper:

And then we went to the Cape where she met her great-grandmother. We played Maher trivia and found out that Annabel is her 40th descendent – wow!

Annabel also saw the ocean for the first time. It was a bit chilly near the water:

We also made a stop to visit my hospice co-workers. I miss them!! I miss that work, too. Annabel met our friends Jason & Ricky and Elia & Sarah while she hung out at a Scottish restaurant. She saw her first kilt and watched us eat our first Scotch eggs. Annabel was so excited to see everyone she pooped right up her back and both mama and daddy had to change her – definitely a two person job.

Annabel really enjoyed this toy at Grandmom Anne’s house, and the rug too (she kept eating it).

We said goodbye to Grandpa Phil – his plane left when ours did but he flew all the way to Bucharest. We wish him well and hope he only runs in to friendly vampires.

Annabel was a bit fussier on the plane ride home, and she peed all over while Gabe was changing her in that tiny bathroom.

Bye bye Beantown… We all had a great time and can’t wait to see everyone again!

"crawling"

2011-04-07T15:11:00.000-07:00

She's really trying:

It's so funny to see those little froggy legs:

first sick baby visit

2011-04-07T11:10:00.000-07:00

I took Annabel to the doctor today since she's had a rash on her tummy & back since Friday. They said it looks like exzema, probably triggered by the change of season and the pollen we have now. I was glad to hear it is most likely not from the pets (that would give her hives). Treatment is hydrocortisone for a week and slathering her in vaseline after bath time.

In other news, Annabel is frighteningly mobile. We went to a playgroup this morning and she was intently watching the 18-month old buzz around the room. She followed him everywhere, which meant she crawled around in a 360 and even scooted a few feet forward. And before we left I watched her roll across the entire bedroom. Yikes. She also likes to 'talk' to new people, and apparently gets louder until you acknowledge her. How quickly she became this moving, communicative little creature!

Little miss weighed in at 12 lbs, 1 oz. today. She was smaller than the 7 week old and 3 month old at the playgroup!

words

2011-04-06T20:38:00.000-07:00

i like words. a lot. just thinking of some beloved books produces this rush of warmth in my chest that can only be labeled love. my favorite movie scene ever is the library one in wings of desire. i can kick your ass at scrabble. good puns can make my day (or even bad ones, as in this scene from the kitchen today- me: cumin! this needs cumin. gabe: (as if answering a door) come in! i remember as a child asking people to give me big sentences so i could diagram them for fun. i remember only ever getting one word wrong on any spelling test (damn you, dunkin' donuts). i remember the best therapy in adolescence was being curled up with pen in hand. i've helped dying people get their words onto paper. magic. words are the best magic.

so you can just imagine how much tonight warmed this mama's heart. annabel was fussing and refusing to sleep despite it being after 10:00 and her having been up for hours and hours. i finally got her to nurse and chill out in the rocker. i picked up 'goodnight, moon' which i usually read to her before bed, but had forgotten. in the great green room... my daughter immediately unlatches when hearing the words and turns her head up to me. she smiles as I read on. within a couple pages she is babbling softly along with me as I read, until the book is over. goodnight noises everywhere. Then she sleeps.

she's not a fan of the paparazzi

2011-04-06T17:48:00.000-07:00

play time!

2011-04-02T12:00:00.001-07:00

napping

2011-04-01T13:37:00.000-07:00

I've read you shouldn't even try to get babies under three months old on a sleep schedule - they sleep when they need to sleep. (Which for Annabel never seems to have been a whole lot.) But for the past three weeks I've REALLY REALLY been trying to get Annabel sleeping. Like 6 hours a day at least of active trying. Finally, we had 3 days of success. In which she slept 7-8 hours at night, and took 2-3 naps during the day. One night she even slept 12 hours, waking up twice to briefly nurse. I couldn't believe how much less fussy both of us were. The secret seemed to be tummy sleeping (which I wasn't too happy about, but she's an awesome roller) and putting her down for naps much earlier than before. I thought I had found the Big Secret that held the key to us both getting some sleep finally.

That is why the past couple days have been even more frustrating - because I know it doesn't have to be that way. I'm told by my pediatrician and other mothers that the pattern is sleep, nurse, diaper, play, repeat. But this is our day:

wake, nurse, diaper, oops, more poopy, another diaper, play, start quieting down, diaper, put her in crib, screaming, fussing, mama soothes/nurses/rocks, put her in crib, screaming fussing, mama soothes, put her in crib, try to get breakfast in the 2 minutes of quiet before she fusses again, mama soothes, leaves bagel on table which some pet then eats, put baby down, clean up kitchen in 6 installments of 2 minutes each before she fusses. at this point she's hungry again, so nursing, diaper, put her on play mat so i can brush my teeth or something. put her in crib, screaming, try everything i know, put her down again, doesn't work - get a shower with her in bouncer hoping sound of water helps. nurse, and put her down. screaming, and i'm nearly in tears. i give up, and just hold her and nurse until she dozes and put her in swing. this has a 40% success rate. if she sleeps it's for 25 minutes and i've done 2 loads of laundry and cleaned the whole house like a magician. i still haven't looked in a mirror. she wakes and plays, diaper, nurse. start over whole cycle again. daddy comes home at 6:30 and i hand her over, whimpering for help, and make dinner.

She does sleep seemingly involuntarily in the car, and she seems to do better when we go out during the day.. so hopefully as the weather gets better this will overall get better. But I'm tired. Really tired. This video was taken at 4 pm today, and she still hasn't napped, except briefly in the car. She slept an interrupted 6ish hours last night . Yesterday she had 2 naps totaling an hour. The night before that we were up til 5 a.m. The pediatrician said she needs at least 12 hours a day, normal is about 15. Suggestions taken! I'm reading two books on sleep and taking the advice of added routines, taking my pediatrician's advice of having her sleep in a crib, and friends' advice about having quiet time before naps and putting her down earlier. Anything else? (Regarding 'cry it out', I don't pick her up the second she fusses if she's been napping. She almost never settles again though. If she's super overtired sometimes she'll really scream right before she settles. I can tell when this is happening and I'll stay with her and let her go a couple minutes. Most of the time though she just escalates, plus I'm overall not a big fan of this method - I want my baby to feel secure.)

Here's my little no-sleeper. She's absolutely adorable though, huh?

her voice

2011-03-28T19:36:00.000-07:00

Annabel has really found her voice lately. When she discovered how to blow bubbles she used it in every context, trying to figure out what that sound means to others. Similarly, she recently discovered THE SCREAM and is using it every chance she gets. Let's hope she finds its place in the lexicon soon.

THE SCREAM is not so funny after an hour or so, or when you're burnt out after your 4 month old has not slept for eleven hours in a row. It's not funny when you can't tell if something is wrong and you strip her down and bathe her and rock her and nurse her and nothing works and you end up as cranky as she is. It is hilarious, however, when she belts one out and then looks around surprised (that noise came from me?) and then does a succession of screams, each louder than the next, her eyes getting bigger each time.

This clip is an average babble when she's slightly frustrated. It was taken a few days ago and I think she was experimenting with the scream, looking back at it now:

Annabel is also talking a lot to the baby in the mirror. It's been freezing here so we've been hibernating. We probably should get out more so she can make some friends.

4 months old

2011-03-25T12:13:00.000-07:00

Dear Annabel,

You are four months old! You've turned into a real baby now: active, alert, communicative, mobile, smiling. You are so much fun at this age. You learn new things every day - it's amazing how much you are always changing. Sometimes you like to sit quietly and watch everything around you. But mainly you like to "move" and "talk". You definitely don't like to sleep. You sleep about 9 hours every day/night, and the average baby your age sleeps 15. Everyone, including the pediatrician, is amazed how alert and happy you are despite this. But baby girl, you need to sleep to grow. Also, your mama would not mind having 6 hours of sleep in a row once in a while, or an hour here and there throughout the day to get some things done. Just saying.

We think you are the cutest baby ever. You smile so much. Last night I woke up and looked over to see you pulled up on your tummy peeking over your co-sleeper and smiling at me. You love people, especially other babies, and you seem so social already. You love being outside and being in new places. When you play you get frustrated and determined in equal measure.

It's been amazing to watch you grow from a teeny tiny crying newborn into such a personality. And we're so excited to watch you learn to sign, to talk, to eat food, to pet the animals, to dance. But mostly we just love living each day with you since each moment brings us so much joy.

You are so loved Annabel-
Your mama

mobility

2011-03-24T19:10:00.000-07:00

No longer can I leave her in one spot and expect to find her there again. Little girl is on the move. She "crawls" now, if motivated. Tugging the carpet, heaving herself forward, swimming her legs, whatever it takes to get from A to B. I put her down on her play gym - in the middle, on her back, and here's what happens:

I found my feet!

2011-03-24T06:44:00.000-07:00

They make the best carseat toys...

binky

2011-03-19T15:26:00.000-07:00

You would think the way Annabel tries to stick everything in her mouth now that she would love a pacifier. But she makes a funny face and spits it out whenever I try to give her one, and I've tried four different kinds. This is the most she's ever done with one:

Little Toes

2011-03-17T13:45:00.000-07:00

I was going through the camera's memory card and found this cute video Gabe took of Annabel:

pro pics

2011-03-17T12:10:00.000-07:00

LunahZon has done it again and took amazing photos of our little girl. Check them out here.

domesticity

2011-03-15T19:04:00.000-07:00

Right now I am listening to Gabe read Annabel 'Goodnight Moon' over the monitor. I needed a break. This is what I did today: took Conan to and from daycare, swept and mopped the kitchen and living room, cleaned the entire kitchen including stove & broiler, washed all dishes x2, ate breakfast & lunch, took care of a baby all day including taking 45 mins to convince her that yes she really did need an afternoon nap, straightened the living room, did 4 loads of laundry, made strawberry ice cream, made an amazing dinner of basmati rice, tandoori chicken and spiced lentils, researched houses and made cloth wipe solution. I'm pretty sure I was never that productive at any 'real' job I ever had!

catching up

2011-03-14T10:12:00.000-07:00

Given traveling, lots of nighttime hours up with baby, and a problem posting pics on here I'm way behind. So here's a little catch up in no particular order:

* Annabel and I went on her first flight for my sister's baby shower. The flight left at 5:30 a.m. I sat next to an obviously angry lady, and surmising why I broached the subject by saying it was my baby's first flight and I don't know how she'll do. The angry lady made an angry face and said she was going to get another seat. Unfortunately for both of us the flight was full. Annabel fell asleep before take off and only woke when the pilot announced the descent. She cried for a minute and then nursed quietly the rest of the flight. So there, angry lady.

* My mom got Annabel a beautiful party dress. Annabel really enjoyed trying to eat it.

* My sister's baby is due April 11, which is soon. SO EXCITED to meet her.

* Annabel is making different consonant sounds now. She says the 'm' sound a lot when she's crying. Which translates into her crying, looking at me and saying what sounds like 'mamamamama'. This is very sad when I don't know what she needs, and I guess is preparing me for the inevitable heartbreak of not being able to fix everything for her.

* Weekends are the best things ever right now. Besides the fact that we're getting lucky with sunny days in the 70's, they are very different with a baby. Before, Gabe and I would do our separate projects a lot of the time. Now we usually grab baby and dog, and try to stay outside as much as possible. It feels so much more like a family. Yesterday we wanted to take the dog to scamper in the lake at a place we couldn't quite remember how to get to. My husband thought he remembered, but prepared me that he was taking the scenic route. Needless to say we ended up somewhere random. Luckily for him I love transporting aimlessly and finding new spots like here.

* At least once a week we discover somewhere new and I say, "This is a fabulous place to fly a kite." I have been saying this for over a year now, but with no real intention to fly a kite. I can't remember the last time I flew a kite. I realize now what I'm saying is 'Wow, I am in open space. This is fabulous." I tried to think back to where you could fly a kite in Boston. The Esplanade? And that's still jam packed with people on nice days. I really love living here.

* We went to Open Barn day at Celebrity Dairy about 15 minutes west. Most of the pictures on Picasa right now are from there. It was so sunny and pleasant and Annabel seemed to love being out there. We took some videos I'll post soon. On the drive home we went through a town called Silk Hope..isn't that a beautiful name? We also discovered a winery out there. And tons of places to fly kites.

* Since we got back from NJ Annabel has decided to go back in newborn sleep mode. I'm up every 2 to 3 hours with her. At least she goes right back to sleep after eating, but I'm hoping this is a brief phase due to a growth spurt or teething or something.

* The great Trust the Boobies Experiment seems to have been a success. It's now been 1 1/2 weeks that I haven't gone near my breast pump with no horrendous consequences. I faltered one night when I was a sleepless zombie and I wondered if Annabel wasn't eating enough and that's why she was up all night. So I offered her a bottle from my frozen stash. She hardly ate anything extra and still was up. I like not feeling attached to the thing. In celebration Conan ate one of the breast shields off the counter this morning. Hooray?

* This morning I velcroed up Annabel's diaper cover and she immediately reached down, pulled the velcro off and smiled at me. Seriously? I thought I wouldn't have to deal with that for quite a while. Her favorite thing lately is blowing bubbles really loud and sticking out her tongue. She is so much fun.

* Gabe was talking yesterday about some of his work plans. He asked me what I have as goals for the next few years. I was a bit speechless, because all I could think of was be a good mom and nothing else felt so important. There's also the practical aspect that I feel productive if I can make dinner, much less work all day or start a business or do a creative project. Then I felt bad that I'm so all consumed with motherhood that I may have let personal goals slip. Then I felt bad that I felt I have to apologize to myself for thinking motherhood is not a worthy goal in itself. The moral of the story: Alysa can make herself feel bad about anything given enough time to analyze said thing.

* On Picasa, when anyone comments it comes up that I wrote it, even if I haven't. Anyone know why?

* I started using my ice cream maker. I am making ice cream, people. I don't know if I love ice cream too much, or am starved for a creative outlet, but I am wicked excited.

* We started a weekly playgroup with about 5 or 6 other babies. I think one of Annabel's favorite things to do is smile at other babies. She loves smiling and talking to the one in the mirror, too. And at storytime we were near the door and she greeted all the new kids with her huge gummy soundless grin. She is like a baby welcome wagon.

* When Conan is in the back of the wagon (car) and facing out towards the other cars, I always think we're doing a community service. It has to make people feel better to drive behind a cute puppy staring at them.

* Apparently I've been singing "The Inky Dinky Spider" my entire adult life. Gabe called me out on this, with much laughter. I read that babies Annabel's age enjoy pattycake. Neither of us remembered that so we watched other parents play pattycake with their babies on youtube first. We live in strange times. Annabel really loves the 'roll it' part, a lot. We couldn't hear what youtube mom said after that so we say 'throw it all away'.

* I'm going to make horchata now.

Annabel rolls over

2011-03-01T14:29:00.000-08:00

first time i've seen her roll tummy to back and i got it on video!

...and roll

2011-02-28T18:29:00.001-08:00

well she rolls back to front, but we haven't seen front to back yet. but judging from her tummy time it looks like it will be soon.

shake, rattle

2011-02-28T18:25:00.001-08:00

daddy is hilarious

2011-02-27T14:53:00.000-08:00

this cracks me up everytime gabe does it. annabel seems to enjoy it too - you can even catch her little laugh on this video:

props to our photographers :)

2011-02-25T12:25:00.001-08:00

A blurb with photos from our wedding:

http://www.bridesmaiding.com/wp/2011/02/photo-of-the-day-the-tulum-wow-wedding/

rolling

2011-02-25T09:45:00.000-08:00

Annabel has been rolling back to front this past week, but usually it's a grunting, heaving one minute process. But today I put her down to take a picture of her cute outfit:

And then I went three feet away, turned around and did something for about 15 seconds. I turned back around and this is what I saw:

I heard no grunt or roll. She just flipped over easy peasy. I wasn't expecting this milestone so quickly - someone please tell her she does't need to grow up so fast.

This also makes me realize she is entering the stage of mobility. Which has made me look at this house as full of hazards and claws. Gabe is our official safety inspector and babyproofer. I think he got this job by default, since I burn myself in the kitchen every day and manage to bump or bruise something at least once a week just walking around.

our 3 month old

2011-02-24T17:23:00.000-08:00

Part of me can't believe the growing girl before us, but then again those early days of constant nursing, no sleep, in bed all the time seem soooo far away. I love seeing her personality bloom each day. Here's a silly video we took today to show how she looks about 90 days along in her life's journey:

dude. girl loves her bath time.

2011-02-24T16:09:00.001-08:00

another comparison

2011-02-22T17:53:00.000-08:00

Annabel at just about 2 weeks old...teeny tiny 6 pound peanut:

Look how much better the hat fits now!

Not a great picture but check out the chubby belly:

comparison

2011-02-21T12:15:00.000-08:00

Here is Annabel nearly one month old, and at nearly three months:

our little pooper

2011-02-18T20:01:00.000-08:00

whozzit whatzit

2011-02-18T19:42:00.000-08:00

I don't have enough pictures to do a proper blog post, but I have to record a couple things because we have yet another new daughter this week. How do they change so quickly??

This past week Annabel started trying to roll over. She went from her back and rolled her chest to the floor but most of her legs were still facing up. She seems to realize she has more control over her body and is constantly moving now. When I nurse her she punches my face and rakes her nails across my chest - not so pleasant. Anytime her legs come into contact with anything she pushes off like a swimmer pushing off the wall. She loves to 'stand' when we hold her.

The past few days I've been blowing bubbles at her because it cracks her up. All today she's been doing it back - could it be I taught her something? So cool!

Her cries have changed overnight. She went from a baby cry to this cry full of consonants. It is so adorable I laugh everytime which she probably doesn't appreciate. It sounds something like this:

bing bging ning ning... eh eh ning. ba ba ganing ganing. (pouty lip)

I had a funny moment with her about 5 minutes ago. I picked her up to nurse her and I saw she had scratched her face (despite me filing her nails 3 times today). Oh no, I said, your face! And as I absentmindedly lifted up my shirt at the same time I punched my mouth and bruised my lip. Geez.

I realized recently that I've been using my breast pump for somewhere around 80 days. In the beginning I was pumping 8-10 times a day because she was having issues and I also needed to get my supply up - and eventually got down to 5-6 times a day or so. On Monday while I was drifting off to sleep I started counting how many times I've used that stupid pump. Holy shit. And I realized she's now gaining weight like a champ, and it seemed she was nursing better in general. I thought that perhaps it was just my own anxiety about not having enough for her rather than her not feeding well that was keeping me attached to the stupid thing. So I didn't pump for a couple days except maybe once or twice. She was eating frequently and not too long, and would take really short naps of about 20 minutes. I went back to giving her bottles a couple times yesterday and lo and behold, 100 minute naps. Grrr. And today she fussed and fussed and wouldn't nurse so I pumped a bottle which she drank and promptly fell asleep. So frustrating! There are also times she fusses and refuses a bottle but will happily nurse. I said I would breastfeed for 6 months at the very least and I'm sticking to that, but man oh man sometimes I feel my whole life revolves around my boobs.

Gabe randomly set up the camera to take a video of Annabel today. Folks, we caught on camera a 15-second ~~toot~~ fart (Gabe hates when I say toot). She takes after her great-grandfather apparently.

my grown up girl

2011-02-15T10:50:00.000-08:00

I don't blog for a little while and I have a whole new daughter. She has taken on some big tasks lately. First, she found her hands. From the moment she did they have been in her mouth. She actually is getting a rash from them being wet all the time. (Suggestions?) I'm pretty sure we've got a thumbsucker on our hands. (Ha.) Also, check out the belly in this pic!

Right after she became aware of her hands she started grabbing things. I noticed this late at night when she was in her co-sleeper, and she would reach out for my hand. It was very surreal: in the darkness a focused, tiny creature reaching out in space to make contact. Think 2001: A Space Odyssey.

This is one of my favorite pictures of her:

And a minute later, her showing off her grasping skills:

In other developments, she loves to stand already. She stands in her tub, when I try to burp her, when I help her sit up. She still hates tummy time so I think her legs are much stronger than her arms. If I had to bet, I'd say she is going to very briefly crawl, if at all, before walking.

Annabel is also nursing much better (as far as I can tell). I no longer must pump before bed, in the middle of the night and in the morning. If I'm at home I can go most of the day without pumping either. I still do to make sure my supply is up and to just test and see if she'll take a bottle after feeding, but compared to any other time in her little life things are a lot easier for her mama as far as feeding goes.

Today Annabel & I went to our first storytime. I know it's early, but they have a baby storytime at the local library, and I believe it's never too early to love books :) Today there was a special guest duo who sang and played instruments. Annabel spent the first 15 minutes looking around and smiling (especially at the other kids) and then got a bit fussy at the end because she was hungry. I've noticed people ask if she's about 4 months old - I think it's because she's usually so alert around people. We sat next to a 1 month old boy and I was astounded at the difference 1 1/2 months makes. She had a limp, tiny alien creature (I'm painting a poor picture - he was very cute) while Annabel is active, aware, and social infant. It's hard to believe it's only been a couple months since she was that tiny passive always-hungry baby! Here she is now, in all her cuteness:

lucky girl

2011-02-10T09:24:00.000-08:00

I'm so lucky. This is what I wake up to each morning. No matter how many times I get up at night or have to soothe an inconsolable baby, this morning scene makes it all alright.

And then this makes it more than alright:

lovely weekend

2011-01-30T18:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was warm and sunny and my dad and stepmom visited from SC. We hiked around Jordan Lake with Annabel and Conan, where I got the most exercise I've had since I was pregnant. Then Gabe and I had a date night! We went to Tyler's where I had this yummy beer. And a burger - also my first since pregnant.

This morning Annabel had big poops in her diaper and then pooped all over the changing table. It was a big mess so we decided to just give her a bath. First she spit up.

Then she pooped:

It was so much fun!

Then we realized it was ridiculously beautiful outside so we flung open the windows and took a trip to the backyard. Gabe had on shorts and a t-shirt and concocted his own little stove, not sure why. That's just how he is.

Annabel and I swung on the hammock-chair that was a souvenir from our honeymoon. It was very peaceful:

Then we took a family stroll around the grounds of the community college. It was so sunny and beautiful (70 degrees in January!!) and I got to see the brand new library that I am super excited about. It's big and open and bright and has infant storytime!

We weren't ready to go home so we toured a nearby doggie daycare. We'd like to take him a couple days a week so that we no longer wake up to this:

One of those days that you didn't want to end.

Sleep, a Memoir

2011-01-27T14:07:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time there were vast hours of sleep. Waking was the work of whim, or sometimes a gentle alarm. It's becoming hard to remember that time.

Sometimes she does sleep. And she's darn cute doing it. See? She even is able to go for six hours at a time, I've seen it happen. But lately I'm happy if she sleeps a two hour stretch. It's a double-edged sword though, because even though it's minimal time she is now in her co-sleeper!! That means she doesn't demand to fall asleep curled up next to me on her side, which is so sweet but makes me nervous. She is suddenly okay with not breastfeeding in order to drift off at night. She used to fuss the second you laid her down on her back, but I suppose she's developed the self-soothing necessary to occupy herself until she dozes. I think she's just not used to it yet, because she startles herself awake, and wakes at the very slightest movement or sound.

Something else also happened the past couple days. She grew up! She woke up a few mornings ago and I remarked to Gabe that she looked bigger. And then she spent the whole day proving she was older. She looked around purposely, studied my lips when I spoke to her, babbled on her own and started grasping the very beginnings of cause and effect with her toys. And little miss is bursting with personality. I can't put all the pictures on this blog, but check this out here.

She is super amazing, says her sleep-deprived zombie mama :)

2 month check up

2011-01-23T19:31:00.000-08:00

Annabel went to the doctor for her 2 month check up. Everything looks great! Four weeks ago she weighed 7 lbs, 2 oz. and now she is 9 lbs, 6 oz. Growing like a weed. She hopped from the 6th percentile in weight to the 17th. The doctor also told me that a baby's fussiest period is usually 6-8 weeks so that explains a lot recently.

She got 3 shots and handled it like a champ. But then we got home and she took a really long nap and woke up quite cranky. Soon enough she was back to her happy self. Here's what her happy self looks like:

In other news she learned to talk! Ok, not really, but doesn't it sound like it?

cloth diapering

2011-01-12T20:26:00.000-08:00

We have begun our cloth diapering adventure. We have a big box of disposable diapers from Gabe's co-workers and we're slowly weaning ourselves of their convenience. My prefold folding is getting better and better. And a big THANK YOU to my friend Amy who sent me a big box of her cloth diaper supplies.

The diaper covers Amy sent were big, so I thought I'd try out one of the Thirsties DuoWrap covers, since they were for babies 6-18 lbs. As you can see from the pictures they still look pretty big on her. But cute! You can also see from the pictures that she hardly ever is still. She's a squirmy little bug.

She is seven weeks old today. She already looks different than these pictures, which were taken less than a week ago. Her hair is longer and blonder and she's chubbier. And last night she slept a good 6 hours in a row. Both she and her mama woke up happy campers!

bath time

2011-01-10T23:15:00.000-08:00

Much like her mama, if Annabel is cranky with no obvious cause then warm water will do wonders. Add chocolate, wine and bubbles and all is well again. Ok, that last part just goes for me.

On the recommendation of my sister I got the spa baby tub, which basically is a blue bucket. It's supposed to give babies the feeling of being in the womb and get them on a path to liking water. (Apparently water on lying-flat babies can elicit a startle response.) In any case, Annabel loves bath time. She instantly calms. Then she screams like a banshee when we take her out. She's also been practicing standing up while in there and I think it's a matter of little time until she realizes all the big splashes her little hands can make.

Speaking of her hands, I think I've stunted her motor skills in this area. I've been paranoid about cutting her tiny nails so she almost always wears mittens. I finally got the courage yesterday and yes, god forbid, I cut her finger. Well, I didn't, but you'd think from her purple screaming face that the whole finger fell off. I felt HORRIBLE. The past day she's been trying to get her hands in her mouth and it's pretty funny to watch. She smacks herself in the head, pause, and then her mouth opens. Sometimes she gets lucky and her eyes get big, like how did that get in there?

Annabel has also decided her 5-6 hour stretch of sleep at night is no fun. The past few days she's just slept a couple 2 1/2 hour naps, and tonight - well, it's nearly 2:30 a.m. and no shut eye for either of us. So hopefully it's good-night soon, and I'll leave you with some cute pics of her in the bath. She's looking a bit wary of the camera, but usually she's all smiles in there.

the many faces of annabel

2011-01-06T16:40:00.000-08:00

I love watching her. In any random minute of the day she makes so many different faces. Babies are so in the moment. A big grin will instantly dissolve into pouty lip. Or a screeching cry becomes a giggle. Today, mainly because I've slacked on the photos for the past week, I put her on the changing table and snapped lots of photos for a couple minutes. Then I put them together into a little movie you can see here. (If the audio isn't working, try viewing it in full screen or in better quality - there's a quirk.)

The smiles and the laughs are the best. I especially love the smiles when she first wakes up in the morning, or when I put a blanket around her, or when she stops eating and gives me a contented smile. You can see some big grins in this video. You also see some chubby thighs. I'm proud to say our skinny little peanut has been packing on the pounds! She got weighed on Tuesday and was 8 pounds, 10 ounces! That is a gain of a pound and a half in just two weeks, which is remarkable.

Keep growing and laughing baby girl :)

baby's first christmas

2010-12-29T20:16:00.000-08:00

My surgery went well last Wednesday. It took me a while to wake up and I heard the recovery team joke that I was a new mom and must be catching up on sleep. (I also woke up briefly in the OR to hear them say 'she's 33? she doesn't look 33.') Once I really woke up I puked a lot, and steadily felt better from then on. By the next day I felt pretty alright, just sore. So we went on an 8-hour road trip to New Jersey. I really wanted Annabel to meet her family while she was little and new.

We were there for a few days (an extra day due to snowstorm) and in that brief time she changed so much! She really started smiling and even laughing. When Gabe came home last night she looked at him, brightened up and gave him a bunch of grins. I'm pretty sure that made his day. It's hard to catch on camera, but here's a snapshot of a laugh:

She also is holding her head up like a champ, and now turning her head while holding it up. We found she really enjoys being around people - she didn't seem to get too overwhelmed. The pictures we took are here, and looking back I'm sad I didn't get more pictures of her with different family members. I'm going to blame this laziness on the pain meds.

We came back home to find 3-4" of snow on the ground - NC had a surprise white Christmas. Now it's getting up into the 60's this weekend. That is much nicer weather for a stroller walk.

I had another gall bladder attack two days ago, which is quite surprising seeing as how I no longer have a gall bladder. Hopefully it's just some post-surgery pain that does not recur. I'm trying to rest again and not try to do so much, which is hard. Today Annabel was Miss Fussypants all day long so rest was not had. Perhaps it was her unique way of celebrating being 5 weeks old. 5 weeks old! I really need to take more pictures before she grows up!

What gall I have!

2010-12-21T12:31:00.000-08:00

Or don't have, after tomorrow. I had another bout of gallstone attack last night, with a grand total of 4 attacks in December. That means in the last month I had 46 hours of labor along with 28 hours of the most excrutiating pain I can possibly imagine. NO FUN. Thankfully I have surgery tomorrow and I can't wait to get this gall bladder out of me. I had been researching options, and worried about side effects but now I don't care - just get.this.out.now!

Last night I felt the stab under the ribcage at 8 p.m. and decided on a different strategy, now that I finally know what these pains are. I immediately got Annabel situated with Gabe, and had a bubble bath with candles. I visualized my gall bladder relaxed and my back relaxed and focused on a peaceful image. I also noticed this time that I could see and feel the spasms in my abdomen - weird. I managed better than before, but by midnight it was unbearable again. I gave in and took an oxycodone pill that I was prescribed at the ER after my last attack. I took it, settled back into bed and waited for some woozy, pain-free state to envelop me. But no, it didn't help one bit!! Isn't that the drug bad teenagers covet? It can't be that good! I think I should have taken nyquil instead because that puts me into a near coma usually.

I counted minutes until 3 a.m. amidst an inconsolable baby girl and racking pain in my body. Because 3 a.m. meant it would be 7 hours and that is how long it always lasted. I held back tears at 3:15, utterly convinced this time it would just never ever end. But it did, at 3:30 a.m.

Anyway, sorry to post about pain. Hopefully this mess will be over with soon. Surgery is tomorrow at 2:15 - think good thoughts! I'm being really optimistic about a speedy recover and hoping to head to NJ for the holidays.

looking back

2010-12-18T20:19:00.000-08:00

It's Saturday night and I am showered and pajamaed and cozy under a warm quilt that was handmade for us as an engagement present (thanks Nina!). My husband is dozing on the couch with our little girl sleeping on his chest. We have a Christmas tree casting soft light, and a new t.v. which both make the living room cozier, for better and worse, respectively.

She is not even a month old and it's hard to remember the rhythm of my days before her. Now it's defined by feedings every couple hours, the regular diaper changes, the bounces and sways of soothing her. I realized sitting here that I find it really difficult to imagine being pregnant. It wasn't that long ago. And when pregnant I remember it was so hard to imagine being anything but pregnant. I thought I'd feel those kicks forever. I thought it would always be hard to get out of bed, that I would always pee myself when I coughed too much, that I would always wear my husband's shirts.

It is sad to have that memory fade, and I am glad I wrote here all the details. And of course a bigger gift is in its place. She is just the sweetest little creature I could have ever imagined.

And I could adopt Gabe's outlook when I told him I couldn't remember what having that big belly felt like: he shrugged his shoulders and said 'I guess we'll just have to do it again'.

p.s. No, there will be no Irish twins.

p.p.s. Below is the last picture of me pregnant. It was taken about 8 hours into labor on November 22nd.

one day this onesie will be tiny..

2010-12-18T06:18:00.000-08:00

Annabel is now trailblazing through 7 pound territory! She still is tiny, though, and her clothes are still pretty big as you can see. She has been a bit fussy the past couple days and very hungry so I think she's going through a growth spurt. But I don't really know these things.

Other things I don't know:

How often do you bathe a baby?

Is it ok if spit up comes out of their nose?

In general I feel a lot less anxious about taking care of her than I expected. I suppose it's because she's a pretty simple creature - if she cries she either needs cuddles, burps, warmth, a diaper change or food. Usually it's food. I do want Gabe & I to take an infant cpr/first aid class so that we would feel more prepared in an emergency.

Annabel cooperated with a mini photo shoot yesterday- you can check out the pictures here. Today I'm going to see if I can stuff her in a Christmas stocking and get her to smile :)

checking in with our bananabell

2010-12-15T18:21:00.000-08:00

Our little lady is a superstar weight gainer! Last Monday she was 6 pounds even, and as of this morning (Wednesday) she was 6 pounds, 12.4 ounces.

She is getting exponentially cuter each day. Here is proof:

And she is turning into an awesome sleeper. She knows when nighttime is, and for the past several nights she has slept 5-6 hours! That also means she misses a feeding, but the lactation consultant assured me with her weight gain that it's ok to let her go that long. No complaints from her sleepy mama!

Her head control is getting much better - she's so strong. She likes to practice holding her head up when we burp her. She is smiling and grinning now, but I think at this point it's still random or just from gas. Every time it happens I inspect her for dimples - still not sure.

I'm working on a little video of her early weeks. Things are taking much longer to accomplish nowadays though :)

Happy 3 week birthday to our beautiful baby girl! We love you so much!

fatty things are yummy

2010-12-15T13:14:00.000-08:00

Since last post I had another back/stomachache which lasted seven hours again and sent me to the ER. They did labs and today I got an ultrasound and it's official: I have many a gallstone in my gall bladder. At least enough to cause the ultrasound tech to immediately say 'oh my god' when the screen popped up. So it wasn't the backache from hell after all. Just a belated gift of pregnancy :) I'm actually very relieved to know there's a solution now, though unfortunately the solution is surgery within the next couple weeks. I go to the surgeon on Monday to set a date. It's bad timing with the holidays, but both doctors and myself say this needs to be done asap.

In the meantime I need to eat a very low-fat, bland diet. In the 24 hours since I've been told this I've had a revelation about how many spicy, fatty things I love to eat. Cut out cheese, nuts, milk, coconut, apples, red meat? And if I want to be extra cautious cut out sugar, white flour, etc.? It's an obvious ideal but it's another story when I know these things can cause massive pain. But still, I'm grieving my lack of baking in the near future, and chilis and curries, and nachos and lattes.

Send good thoughts that I can make it to the surgery without another gall bladder attack! Also good thoughts that Annabel didn't catch any nasty germs while hanging out with me at the hospital.

a hurtin' mama and her growing girl

2010-12-11T09:06:00.000-08:00

Annabel is a champion weight gainer this week - I think we're even starting to see signs of chubby cheeks. Hooray! I need to take lots of pictures today since she is changing so much day to day, I can't even believe it.

I don't think I mentioned on here but last week I had the most awful back spasms. Could not get my body comfortable sitting, standing or lying down and had to take several steaming hot baths, massage from husband, icy hot cream and heating pad before it was remotely bearable. It also made my stomach contract and I couldn't breathe well, which was scary. I am not a wimp with pain, but I was in tears whimpering that I just wanted to die. It was so bad I was about to go to the ER for them to put me on IV sedation - except that I have a little one who needs to be nursed (and incidentally, was screaming throughout the whole ordeal, while Gabe tried to meet both our needs). Ugh, anyway - it was pure awful. So imagine my disdain when it happens again last night :( From 7 p.m. to 2 a.m. I was writhing on the floor again, taking multiple steaming baths - which was gross, because our town's water was shut off a couple days ago and it's come back on but it's brown. Tried icy hot again, heating pad and no relief. At least this time I had pumped milk for Annabel because there was no way I could hold her and nurse her. The stomach pain was worse this time and I spent a lot of the night puking, which was a horrible feeling that I welcomed because it took away the other pain briefly.

Anyway, all this is to say (1) wtf is wrong with me? I had assumed it's from nursing and holding her and having weak ab muscles, but I don't see how the stomach contractions fit in. And (2) just to have a momentary pity party...seriously?? I have issues all pregnancy, a painful 46 hour labor, and I still can't catch a break after? Sheesh.

So I am going to the chiropractor/massage place on Monday and hopefully get back on track. There is no way I can go through that again. If anyone has any insight on my broken body please let me know!

p.s. Pity party is over. Following posts will consist of cute photos of Annabel only :)

newborn pictures

2010-12-08T10:30:00.000-08:00

Miss Annabel got her pictures taken by LunahZon yesterday. She was an absolute angel all day before and after the photo session :) During the shoot she was mostly fussy, but I hope they got some good shots anyway.

This photo was taken (by me) at the end of the shoot when she was pooped out from crying. Isn't she so beautiful? I love her rosy cheeks.

Operation Chubby Legs

2010-12-06T13:29:00.000-08:00

As you can see from the picture Annabel is tiny and precious. The only problem is she is a bit too tiny. We had another weight check and little miss has lost weight - she is about 6 pounds. Not good! I've met with the midwife and lactation consultant to try to figure out why she isn't eating enough, since my supply seems okay. Today I've started pumping as well as nursing so that I can build up a milk stash (ha, it sounds like moustache..anyway) and also monitor exactly how much she is eating.

Think good thoughts... I can't wait to see some chubby knees and cheeks on her!

stroller walk

2010-11-30T10:58:00.000-08:00

Annabel took her first stroller walk on Saturday. Here is a picture of her all cute and cozy. We just went across the street to the co-op market so I could get some vitamins. Gabe, Annabel and I got to the door and I said, "ok, you want to stay with her while I run in?".

Now why would I say that? Because I thought temporarily she was a dog, poor girl. Whenever we've both gone to the co-op it's usually with the dog and one of us has to stay outside with him. I quickly realized my error and in we went, as a little family :)

photo album link

2010-11-27T11:09:00.000-08:00

Here is a photo album link. We'll be adding to it lots in the coming days:
http://picasaweb.google.com/GabeAndAlysa/AnnabelEden#

Some little things we're learning about Annabel:
She loves being swaddled. She is sleepy during the day and up all night. She likes to nurse pretty much continuously all night. All of her newborn clothes are too big - she's 6 lbs. 2 oz. at the moment. She makes the most adorable noises when we burp her - little coos and purrs and squawks.

What I've learned about Gabe:
He might be a soothsayer or the baby whisperer or something. He can calm her so quickly. He is taking such wonderful care of me and our baby and it's making me fall in love with him all over again.

What I've learned about myself:
A one hour nap from 8-9 a.m. can leave me feeling totally refreshed. I'm doing just fine on two hours of sleep a day (so far), though I'm hoping this increases soon. I'm learning that breast milk can be prolific - no one told me I'd get a shirt wringing-wet within minutes. And, most importantly, I'm learning that I absolutely love being a mama to this sweet precious girl.

Annabel Eden: A birth story

2010-11-26T17:34:00.000-08:00

I went to sleep Sunday night thinking the full moon brought no due date magic. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling restless and crampy, which is strange since I'd been sleeping so well. I laid awake for an hour and around 3 a.m. realized these achy cramps were coming in waves. Oh! In a rare embrace of technology I bought an iphone app to time them and they were anywhere from 7 to 10 minutes apart. I tried to nap in between and around 7 a.m. got out of bed - it was our baby's birthday! (Well, maybe.) I called the birth center to give them a heads up and they advised lots of rest. They said most first time moms have 24 hour labors so I would probably be pushing her out that night.

I kept my chiropractor and massage appt. and was able to relax during contractions. I sent Gabe off to finish up some work for the afternoon, and I just took it easy and listened to lots of Hypnobabies. By the time he got back things were getting more intense and I wasn't sure if I should keep resting or start to walk and bounce and try to move her into a good position and get the show on the road. Gabe got home around 5:30, I think, and helped me get through contractions. The night is sort of a blur, though I do remember clearly puking violently into our trashcan and nearly passing out when Gabe tried to help me do a belly lift during a contraction. I knew, though, that some women throw up at transition, so I held out some hope that when we arrived at the birth center at 5 a.m. that I would be checked and they would say 'oh wow, get ready to push!'. I had three contractions getting from the car door to the birth center door. They checked and said I was still in early labor and needed to rest in order to prepare for active labor. So far I'd been feeling very active. Apparently the baby was still posterior so they thought most of the work of the contractions were trying to rotate her. Ugh.

I took something to sleep in between contractions and during each one I'd come out of sleep and punch Gabe awake so that he could rub my back (I was having back labor too). He'd fall asleep halfway through and I'd tell him to wake up and help me. I felt bad waking him up but really I was having trouble going it alone by this point. Eventually I got into the tub and tried to get her to rotate by sort of squatting and leaning forward. More blurs. I know I was checked twice and made very little progress. I was about 36 hours into labor and seemingly stalled at 5 cm. Exhaustion was a real worry at this point as I had had very little food and not enough water and some of my contractions were right on top of each other without a break. (Turns out after seeing hospital monitors I was having up to three contractions in a row - they guess it's because my body was trying everything it had to get her into a good position.) I decided at this point to transfer to the hospital to get pitocin and an epidural for some relief. I cried and felt disappointed but I also was happy that there was to be some change.

I arrived at the hospital around 4:30 or 5 and got tied up to a bizillion things and into a hospital gown. The epidural part was hard since I had to curl my back and relax despite contractions which was next to impossible but somehow I managed. I will say here that even though Hypnobabies didn't make me have a pain-free labor, there were some tools I used that allowed me not to lose control or calm at any point, so I'm really glad I did it. The pain of contraction + epidural needle while keeping muscles relaxed was one of those times. So anyway, not much changed with the epidural, so they upped the medication. I mentioned I was feeling kind of hot and nauseous and could I get a washrag, and next thing I know there are people in my face, and then an oxygen mask. The medication had made my blood pressure plummet, and the baby's heart dropped in response. Everything was good within 30 seconds but that was pretty frickin scary. It was also the point where I got frustrated at myself for being in the hospital and subjecting the baby to all this, but honestly I didn't dwell on it. I had made an informed decision and had to go with it.

The next couple hours I was able to rest up. It wasn't some lovely epi heaven that I have heard but it made things so much better. I started having to breathe through contractions again but didn't want any changes.. I wanted to be able to feel as much as possible in order to push. I had a minimal dose of pitocin (less than a teaspoon total and things were progressing great). Around 11 I let them know I was feeling a bit pushy. I asked my midwife how long it would take and she said it really depends. She said a woman could push a baby out in 45 minutes but that is rare with first time moms and with epidurals. I tried to relax and rest up for the energy needed soon. Then all of a sudden I sent Gabe out for help because I knew I was pushing involuntarily. They came in and baby was descending. This next part was so amazing. The contractions spaced out and I could talk in between. It was go time! I pushed a few times and wasn't sure I was doing it right. The midwife then had me feel her head for motivation. What?! Crazy amazing. After all the nine months, and after the couple days of labor we were actually going to have a baby! The unavoidable reality that said baby was about to arrive out of my vagina was a bit daunting, too. But really at that point what can you do? I pushed with everything I had, mainly because it was really tough work and I knew I wasn't going to want to be doing it a few hours from then. My memory of her being born is not very visual because I had my eyes closed and was very focused. But I remember Gabe watching everything and giving me the play by play, punctuated by many 'oh my god's and 'that's amazing'. Apparently baby girl came out spinning with her arm by her head, a pause where the midwife told me to just breathe, and then she came slipping out with one last push. She had a short cord so I couldn't really pull her up and see her face. But I heard her cry and saw her shiny body and when she looked up she had a gorgeous tiny face and beautiful open eyes. I couldn't even believe this creature had been inside me this whole time. She arrived just after midnight, after 45 minutes of pushing.

Annabel Eden is named after our mothers (Anne & Edie) and we love how feminine and slightly southern the name sounds. There are so many nickname possibilities too. While pregnant we called her Bananabel or Bananabelly. We left the hospital the next day and she is doing great. She is super beautiful, and it's not just our new parents' bias...

I'm recovering well, though I have to admit that was a pretty intense 46 hour ride. Nothing like what I had expected or hoped for, but perfect in its own way. The birth center staff told me it looks like the long labor was due to her position and that if I have a second I really should not delay getting to the birth center because that baby will probably come quickly. In my book anything under 30 hours would feel quick :)

The best part of having Annabel so far is watching Gabe be a daddy. He changes her and dresses her and sings her made up songs. He is a champion burper, great at swaddling and the way she looks at him is amazing. He has told her he loves her a thousand times already and is absolutely smitten. We both are so in love with her - swooning over each little noise and expression and cute little body part. (How could a fingernail be so tiny?)

We're taking lots of pictures and I think I'll share the Picasa link on here rather than post on the blog all the time. I need to find the link but will post it by tomorrow. Here are a few early moments...

Introducing our little girl!

2010-11-25T13:01:00.000-08:00

Miss Annabel Eden Cantor has arrived! She was born just after midnight on November 24, 2010. She is 6 pounds, 10 oz. and 19 inches long. I'll post my birth story as soon as I get a bit of time. It was an interesting adventure.

For now, here's a picture of the little lady about 11 hours old after her first bath. She is so alert and beautiful and we are so in love with her!

Due date!

2010-11-21T14:16:00.000-08:00

No sign of little girl. I am not surprised a bit. My little Sagittarian now. I'm feeling really good lately, sleeping well, and nesting like nobody's business.

Oh, and expanding, check it out:

I lifted up my shirt and my husband said 'holy crap, watch where you point that thing'. I do feel a lot bigger in the middle area. And she still moves like crazy in there.

My sister stopped by today on her way to SC. Here I am exactly 40 weeks pregnant and she's exactly 20 weeks. Won't this be a great picture to show them later?

Nothing too much to report... I can't wait to post my birth story & pics of our baby girl!

puppies falling asleep...

2010-11-21T13:58:00.000-08:00

I know this may be the equivalent of watching paint dry for some, but in case you have a minute and a half and want to watch a puppy falling asleep, I've got just the video for you.

p.s. Obviously no baby yet or I'd be taking videos of her :)

checking in...

2010-11-17T18:42:00.000-08:00

I'm going to try to update a bit more often, as I can see it's about that time when people are wondering about baby girl's earthly debut. I had my check up on Tuesday and everything looks great. They estimate by feel that she's about 6 lbs. with plenty of fluid. I'm 131.5 pounds with lots of extra fluid :)

She has finally rotated a bit; however, she is now completely and directly posterior. They say this isn't bad, that perhaps she needs to spin that way first to get in good position. Plus, she could wait to rotate until labor so I have decided to keep doing my exercises, visualization and just let it go. No sense worrying about anything.

This morning I completely finished all my work, so now I just get to nest and play. I've felt much more relaxed the past couple days. I think it is because of the job, but also I have had NO back pain. I think this is a first since way back in the first trimester. I've also been sleeping remarkably well. I still get up lots of times to pee, but I fall right back asleep. And it occurred to me that I used to always have problems falling asleep - it would take me about an hour. Now, no lie, I push play on my hypnobabies track and then just pass out. I'm not quite sure if it's general exhaustion by the end of the day, or I'm just so conditioned to relax when I hear the hypnobabies stuff. In either case it is really nice to wake up feeling rested.

Baby girl has been busy kicking the crap out of her mama. I've been talking to her a lot more - she seems more of a person now that I can see her through my skin and since I know I'll be meeting her shortly. Mainly I talk to her about how she can feel safe to come out whenever she's ready. That we're ready. That she has two loving parents who can't wait to hold her and meet her and take care of her. I wonder out loud to her about what she looks like. I logically think she'll have a bit of blond hair (both Gabe and I were blonds when young believe it or not) but I usually picture her with dark hair. I talk to her about the weather in November in North Carolina. I'll tell you about it too - it's awesome! I wore sandals today, and not just because my feet are swollen a bit. The mornings are crisp and cool, and in the evenings the leaves are crunchy and outside smells like campfires. I'm excited to be able to have nice stroller walks with her on the sunny, warmer days throughout winter, but also have that cozy, cold and dark winter feeling when we're snuggled in at night.

As far as labor signs, I don't know what to say. I've had crampiness and contractions and pressure for weeks now so I think that's the norm. No big changes. The full moon is on Sunday, my due date, and my prenatal vitamins run out that day, too. In general, though, I don't feel anything is very imminent. Given family history I've come to expect babies that take their time getting here...