Happy fetus day!

Today is 10 weeks! This is big news for a few reasons. First it's double digits. Second, all the baby's parts and functions are there - like the blueprint is laid out - the next 30 weeks are for growing and refining. Third, little embryo has now earned the title of fetus. This is one of the worst English words I can think of, but I'm still proud. Here's a picture of how baby looks right now (to the right):

He or she is about 1 1/4 inches crown to rump, and is getting little fingernails on its non-webbed-anymore fingers and toes. If the brain looks big to you, it is. Baby has been making 250,000 neurons PER MINUTE this past week - isn't that unbelievable? I can't think of anything right now so amazing or so tiny. 

My uterus has apparently grown from the size of an avocado pit to a small canteloupe/large grapefruit. Though no one would realize I'm pregnant, and no one seems to even notice my little extra around the middle, I can certainly tell. Just ask any of my pants with buttons. I haven't really gained too much weight but I'm definitely not a size zero waist any longer. We took a belly pic today..it's not a great pic with the shadow but you get the idea:

Another thing about 10 weeks... I think I'm finally just beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The past five weeks have been an onslaught of lots of yucky symptoms and utter exhaustion. For a few days this week I didn't need a nap. (Excepting yesterday and today, because suddenly I'm not sleeping til 4 a.m. despite the exhaustion - ugh.) I also don't start feeling too nauseous until closer to late afternoon, instead of all day. Yay!

The downside to this is that I convinced myself I was fine again and tried to do too many things, and then got depressed when I became a tired, sick mess. I am so frustrated, but I know it can't last much longer than a few more weeks. (If you had extended morning sickness please don't leave a comment! I'm still in happy denial of this possibility!)  I really really miss cooking. I really really miss having a clean house. I really miss just eating when hungry vs. nearly collapsing in tears because I'm nauseous and starving and have heartburn and feel weak and can't think of anything to stomach right now.

And my poor husband. He has been so awesome throughout the pregnancy so far, but I think his patience is wearing just as much as mine is. He'll happily run to the store and get chicken when I fall into a weak stupor and know that I need more protein. Or wash sheets when my extra keen sense of smell says something is weird. But he is not used to doing all the cooking, and we're eating take-out too much or having thrown together meals. He's also not used to doing all the cleaning, or most, and the state of things in our home is threatening to make me into a cartoon of a hormonal raging pregnant lady. Note to partners of pregnant ladies everywhere: when you're sick, tired, upset pregnant lady complains that on top of everything she's now got insomnia, NEVER respond by stating: Well, why don't you just clean the house if you can't sleep anyway?

I do realize in my post 1 1/2 weeks ago I said how can I possibly complain, we're having a baby. I suppose I found a way to complain, but I still haven't lost sight of the big picture. A baby is on the way!

Oh, which reminds me of something new I feel guilty about. I've been having non-stop dreams about birthing, and breastfeeding, and ultrasounds and babies everywhere. I woke up this morning after a particularly weird, intense dream and thought all day how I just want to not think of baby anything for a week. It's all in my thoughts, all in my dreams, and is causing  vague anxiety. Thinking about where we'll move, what a nursery will be like, registries, finances, how it affects my working, where to have the baby.... on and on.  It's like a train hurtling ahead no matter what for 30 more weeks. I just need stall the baby momentum for a bit and chill. But then of course just that very thought makes me feel like a terrible mother before I'm even a mother. There's no stopping any baby train, the creature will grow and grow and be here and then it won't be leaving :)  I suppose I just need a little more time to adjust.

Pregnancy so far...

I am 8 1/2 weeks pregnant. I'll try to give you an idea of how I've felt for the past while. Imagine you are on a boat. You've never been sea sick before, you don't see it coming. Then one day your stomach gets a little queasy. Odd. The next day it happens again, but longer this time. Then on the third day, you're lying over boat's edge trying to think about anything but nausea... you never actually puke, but often wish you could just so you'd feel some momentary relief. That's how I feel about 80% of the time. I try to not get hungry, but everything smells weird and I don't have the biggest appetite. I cook about once a week which makes me so sad, and I think my husband is disoriented by this more than he cares to admit :)  I've been craving mozzerella sticks and lemon water ice. I'm disgusted by the amount of corn syrup in the water ice and know I can make some awesome homemade honey-rosemary lemon popsicles, but it's hilarious to imagine I'll get up that much energy anytime soon. Because worse than the nausea is the fatigue. I thought I had been tired before, but obviously not. My night owl has been murdered and is replaced by a zombie owl. I feel completely unalive sometimes. It hurts to be awake for a good part of the day. It's continually like someone woke me up at 3:30 a.m. If I put dishes away I feel on top of the world - look what I did!!  I do not understand how people feel like this and also raise other little ones! 

There are lots of other symptoms that I won't bore you with, and all of which I'm assuming will magically disappear in 3 1/2 weeks. Right? But even with all these 'complaints', I can't even say it without quotes. How can I complain? We're having a baby!  As much as I know how it happened, I still can't believe how it happened. The more I learn about the science of fetal development the more miraculous it seems. It's so funny - it's the most natural, common thing but I mean it's INSANE that it all works out even just once. 

Our due date is November 21st. That's also puppy's training deadline!

yet another new addition to the family...

We're expecting our first baby in November!  We had our first ultrasound yesterday and baby is doing wonderfully! The heartbeat is 179 beats per minute, and we saw its head, body, heart, arms, legs and spine. So cute!

It's amazing how these little pictures made it so REAL so suddenly. 

the latest addition to our little family...

There is a prevailing myth in our house that my husband is the logical one and I am the spontaneous one. There are many examples of this, but I would submit that there are now more examples of the opposite.  For example, I know I have talked about doing a spreadsheet for our budget numerous times and he has not.once brought it up. Recently overheard in our house:

Me: Gabe, we really really need to go over our budget.

Gabe: Why? We already do.

While I try to think about jobs and where to live in a reasonable, logical way, Gabe will suddenly say 'wait, maybe I'll get my PhD.' And then he's looked up doctoral programs and we are suddenly imaginarily living in Germany or Saudi Arabia. I think at this point it is almost safe to crown me as the "Planner" of the family. Anyone that knows me is laughing out loud right now, but it's true!  A totally spontaneous planner with no risk aversion at all, but I do at least have the roughest of outlines for the future. (And I do at least know I should probably start thinking about doing taxes soon.)

So when my husband came home last week and said, oh by the way we are adopting a dog I saw at the shelter, I once again pointed out how his supposedly logical engineer brain was malfunctioning. I listed about eleven very good reasons this is the worst time ever to get a dog. And of course he didn't win me over by logic, but an endearing combination of his love for this puppy and my wanting him to be happy (he did after all reluctantly agree to my getting another cat, and a thousand other indulgences).  So when emotions overrun logic here is the cute result:

His name is Conan. He's a champion at sleeping throughout the night without a whimper. He has lots of energy in the day. He has caused me to say 'leave it' about 1,000 times a day. The cats are more curious than traumatized, and I'm relieved by that. I think with some puppy training he's going to grow into an awesome, fun, obedient dog. Oh, and a really big one!